


Midnight Dreamers

by heyitsbabz



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Insomnia, M/M, energy drinks are lifesavers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-15
Updated: 2017-10-19
Packaged: 2018-12-15 00:41:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 22,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11794854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heyitsbabz/pseuds/heyitsbabz
Summary: Tyler knows he ruined his own life by signing up for an 8am lecture class, but somehow, someway, his lack of sleep seems to lead him to an angel with blue hair that manages to steal his breath away.Maybe he's a little bit delirious.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> and another one...
> 
> I don't have much time to write these days, but when airport boredom strikes, ya find ways to pass the time. Besides, I read some prompts while aimlessly scrolling on tumblr that I neeeeeded to write suddenly, so here.
> 
> I missed ao3, but I guess i'm back now
> 
> this should be a fun one y'all

Tyler doesn't sleep, hasn't been able to for as long as he remembers. Really, it’s not news that Tyler’s an insomniac; in fact, his roommate Mark has a bet going on with their other friend Michael that Tyler will crash and burn by the end of the semester.

To anyone else, that bet would seem a little bit harsh, but Tyler loves the both of them like brothers and assures them he’s absolutely, positively, _completely_ fine.

It’s a huge lie and they all know Tyler is cutting it a little close.

Mark finds Tyler sitting on their couch in the early hours of the morning, on his laptop, focused on writing essays and finishing assignments that _just_ got assigned more often than not.

Tonight it’s a comparison essay on two stories he hadn't even read because, well, he didn't feel like reading them. The essay itself was due at the end of the week and he still had the time to find the books and educate himself on them, but since he’d already been awake and had nothing better to do, he’d tried his luck on finishing it early.

SparkNotes is clearly his best friend.

Mark doesn't even bother with him when he catches him anymore, too tired and grumpy with the repeated cycle. He always walks away mumbling to himself about how he doesn't understand how Tyler is top of his class when he doesn't even get 8 hours of sleep a day, dragging his feet almost comically as he does.

Every. Freaking. Time.

Tyler edits and works on this stupid essay, tearing it apart and fixing it until it was considered somewhat okay and presentable by his standards. It needs more work though, always does, so he reaches for the can of redbull on the table across from him with shaking fingers.

It’s not a surprise for him to count on anything caffeinated to give him the energy boost he desperately needs, especially on nights like this one. It helps keep him focused, he pledges by it. Today is just the unfortunate time he forgets that he has a morning class the next day and when his phone alarm goes off to remind him about the 8am lecture, he’s less than thrilled.

In fact, Tyler’s hand freezes in mid-air, eyes blinking down owlishly at his phone, the ringing non-stop and the message _wake up, dumbass_ popping up on the small screen for him to see in all it’s mocking glory.

He drops his hand into his lap, mouth pursing together as he stares at the mediocre essay he managed to bullshit and come up with. Does he really need to go to this lecture? Does he even need to be in school? What was the point anymore? Who even willingly took an 8am class anyway? Was it literally worth all the effort?

He doesn't realize he’s stopped his phone’s obnoxious ringing and is sending Mark, who is undoubtedly in the other room sleeping, a text. Or better yet, multiple texts.

_> do you think i'd make a good stripper???_

_> I have an okay body right_

_> I think it would be a good profession_

_> no more school for me_

_> Mark_

_> Mark pls_

_> Don't make me come wake you up_

Tyler waits for the reply, but when 10 minutes turns into 20 and he’s officially bordering being late to class, he sighs and quickly saves his essay, shutting down the laptop and setting it down gently on the table.

He gets up, stretching himself out and takes one glance at himself in their cracked body length mirror only to see pink pajama bottoms with _Hello Kitty_ all over them and an oversized black and yellow  _Columbus ‘Til I Die_ t-shirt, eyes dark and hooded with fatigue, the eye bags practically taking over his face staring back at him.

 _Whatever_ , he thinks with a roll of his eyes and walks into the bathroom to quickly brush his teeth and wash his face, hands reaching for the black wool beanie tossed on the floor on his way out.

He stops in front of the whiteboard that hangs on their wall opposite the bathroom; at first they had got the board as a reminder. They used to write grocery lists and assignments with due dates on it, but now it’s evolved into a conversation board for anyone who walks through their door.

Right now the board read, in Tyler’s familiar writing: _does God say omg??_

Beneath it, Mark had replied: _GO TO SLEEP._

Tyler chuckles, erasing what’s written and writes out a new message for Mark’s selfish, ungrateful self. He should be glad he has a friend like Tyler, but what does he do in the morning when Tyler needs him the most? He sleeps.

That’s just… not okay.

 _You ignored my very, super important texts, so i'm never coming back here, ever, in my life. Goodbye forever,_ Tyler finishes off, nodding to himself, satisfied.

Ten minutes later, and he’s got vans on his feet and an overwhelming urge to pass out, so he grabs a fresh can of redbull from his and Mark’s mini fridge, a pen that’s missing it’s cap and a notebook he’s not even sure is _his_ before he's out and leaving the room.

The look of death personified must work for him because students nod at him in respect at his outfit choices, everyone transferring thoughts of pity and _hope you survive your day_ ’s or _look at me again and I'll slit your throat_ telepathically to one another with their facial expressions. Not like anyone can make any other faces at fucking 8 in the damn morning, especially when some have also been up all night.

‘Some’ being Tyler Joseph, dumbass supreme and human whose blood was 95% caffeine.

He cracks open his redbull and chugs it down to the last drop, crushing the can when he’s done and throwing it in the nearest garbage he passes.

“Did that dude just down a redbull like a shot?” He hears someone say, voice awed and filled with disbelief.

“Godspeed, legend.” Another voice replies, impressed.

Tyler grins triumphantly as he stumbles into the class on his right, door accidentally slamming on the wall at how rough he’d opened it and the professor doesn’t even bother to stop his lecture at the loud interruption. The warning bells already go off in his head as he winces and takes the first empty seat he sees.

His usual prof would have scolded his ass just for being late. He was one of _those_. The professors everyone tells you to avoid and warns you about prior to the semester starting. Why did Tyler take 8ams and purposely try to ruin his own life? He couldn't tell you if he tried.

“Is this advanced chemistry?” Tyler whispers softly, turning to the person next to him.

He doesn't expect to see a head of blue hair and kind brown almond eyes to be staring back at him, mouth pulling back into a small mischievous smirk as if he knows something Tyler doesn't. Point being proven, the boy raises an eyebrow in silent question and shifts in his seat so that his body is facing Tyler, his arm moving to the back of his seat curiously while the light catches on his nose and automatically has Tyler’s attention, his eyes dropping to the small hoop ring on either side of it.

Tyler clears his throat, eyes shifting to the arm laying at the back of the seat to distract himself from this attractive boy, only to find the tattoos littering his skin so bright and _pretty_ for so early in the morning, he can't seem to process what they are.

“Excuse me?” The boy says in a confident, gravelly voice, snapping Tyler’s attention back to his face. The question is asked politely enough to have Tyler believe this guy didn't hear his whispered question.

Side-eyeing the professor, he raises his voice and repeats, “Is this advanced chemistry?”

“English literature, buddy.” Blue-hair replies without hesitation, pointing to the book on his side of the table.

Tyler stares at it for a second, not even bothering to read what it is or who it’s by; he couldn't care less in his sleep deprived state, his eyes already going back to the guys face, the smirk that was previously on it a full on grin now, showing sharp, white teeth in the process.

 _God help me, you’re so attractive_ , Tyler thinks painfully, like it’s a punch in the gut to admit.

Eyes fighting to stay open, Tyler says, “Close enough.”

Then he's dropping his lidless pen and notebook on the table without a care in the world, his heart hammering against his chest as he feels blue-hairs eyes on him, observing his movements in pure curiosity. Tyler can’t even blame him, why did he have to act so damn weird around people he found hot? This is his own personal nightmare of a reality.

Without thinking, he lays his head down on the table straight after, eyes closing before he can stop them.

He doesn't even hear the other boys soft chuckle before he falls asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi friends! 
> 
> just a quick lil disclaimer that idk if osu actually has a spotted account. my uni does though, and I find it the funniest thing ever, so enjoy.

If you told Tyler he would fall asleep in the wrong class after one of his many all nighters, he’d laugh in your face and tell you he _wishes_ he were that lucky.

So, when he’s gently shaken awake with the softest uttered ‘dude’ he’s ever heard and notices he’s definitely in the wrong place, it’s safe to say he’s a little disoriented and confused.

“Dude?” He whispers, expecting to see someone he knows or recognizes from one of his classes.

He doesn't see either.

“Dude.” Blue-hair grins and Tyler’s heart does a flip in his chest; he’d thought he dreamed him up.

“Oh shit,” Tyler sighs, lifting his hands up to rub at his eyes. “I’m sorry I didn't mean to fall asleep like that.”

“No worries, man.” Blue-hair pats Tyler's shoulder in understanding. “It looked like you needed it.”

“I…” Tyler’s voice trails off, embarrassed as he drops his hands to his lap. He doesn't know what to say. What the hell is he supposed to say to cute blue-haired boy?

“Besides, I totally wanted to be where you were.” The boy saves him the trouble of answering and Tyler doesn't understand how he can be so alive and jovial after being up for an 8am class.

“I was dreaming about cotton candy,” Tyler blurts, his face catching fire. “Blue cotton candy. I guess because—”

“My hair?” Blue-boy offers, his smile so _genuine_.

Tyler nods, his mouth working before his brain could process. “Yeah, and like, dude, it was wild. Everyone wanted blue cotton candy or blue ice cream. Don’t get me started on the ice cream. It was like a bloodbath waiting for a double scoop of _anarchy_.”

“What did you decide to get?” Blue-boy asks, looking completely enthralled with Tyler’s description when someone clears their throat. They both look over to see a professor—the english literature professor, Tyler guesses—giving them a pointed look.

They both get up, collecting their things quickly; not like Tyler had much with him anyway. He mutters an apology as he exits the room, turning to blue-hair and shrugging awkwardly.

Let’s face it, this honestly isn’t the most embarrassing thing Tyler’s ever done. In fact, he can think up at least _five_ other times he’s walked into the wrong class, so this was nothing. Besides, he was asleep the entire time; saved himself the trouble of doing the walk of shame out the door like a complete dumbass.

“So, uh, I’m—” Tyler pulls out his phone from his pyjama pocket to check the time and curses. His next class was about to start and he was nowhere near it. “Crap, I need to go. It was great to meet you and uh, fall asleep next to you!”

Tyler’s already turning and speed walking away from him when blue-hair tries to talk to him again. Why, oh why, had he planned a schedule with back to back classes? Right after an 8am? Especially right after he meets a cute boy, by accident? He has a serious death wish; that, or he’s just seriously messed up in the head.

That’s a fair assumption, he figures. He isn't exactly _normal_ , per se.

Nevertheless, that doesn't stop his thoughts from roaming after the boy and his dazzling smile and pretty hair and colourful tattoos the whole day.

 

\---

  
  
“Mark, I’m telling you, this guy was like a god or something.” Tyler’s fawning over the guy to his roommate, recalling in specific detail what had happened this morning.

When he got back to his dorm room, the board affectionately read, _see you later, bestie!_ and Tyler had waited and waited for Mark’s return to tell him about his boy-meeting in person.

“So, all I’m understanding here—and stop me if I’m wrong—is that this guy with blue hair was hot.” Mark summarizes, opening a can of coke that he’d retrieved from their mini-fridge.

Tyler opens his mouth to argue that they connected on a whole other level because Tyler told him about his dream, but falls short. They didn't _really_ connect, so Tyler just finds himself nodding sheepishly, his cheeks turning pink.

“Cool, what was his name?” Mark asks, sitting down next to him on their studying couch.

“I… don't know.” Tyler says, then groans. “Fuck, he was probably going to ask me that before I ran away from him!”

“Wait, _what?_ ” Mark laughs, pure happiness on his face. “You ran away from him? Oh, my god, you idiot.”

“I had class!” Tyler places his head in his hands in despair. “I hate myself.”

“You and your perfect class attending beliefs,” Mark shakes his head in mock sadness. “You brought this on yourself, Ty. You should have asked him to go for coffee. Or smoothies, since that’s the new trend around here.”

Tyler glares at him, flatly repeating, “I had class.”

“It’s okay to skip every once in awhile, bro.” Mark nudges him with his foot, grinning widely. “Here, let’s go on the _Spotted: Ohio State_ twitter. That always cheers you up.”

Tyler grunts in response, letting Mark grab his laptop off the small coffee table in front of them. He watches Mark navigate his way to the twitter page with a small frown tugging at his lips, but Mark was right; reading people's comments always made him laugh.

 _Spotted: Ohio State_ was basically where students communicate in memes about their classes, complimented each other or completely tore each other apart. You submit your thing anonymously and quite frankly, everyone who went to the school followed the account for the entertainment of it.

The first thing that pops up is a video of someone's snapchat; the person is making their schedule and the school only offers them two options to put their class in. The person, aggravated, wrote: _do my lab at 10:30am on tuesday or wednesday… idk osu… too many choices to choose from!!!_

Tyler chuckles. “I had the same problem.”

“I remember,” Mark snickers, scrolling down. “You almost had an emotional breakdown.”

“Don’t remind me.” Tyler shudders because making schedules was always a nightmare for him. It gave him way too much unneeded anxiety.

 **spottedOSU** : how do i find frandship on campus??? plz

“Oh man, Tyler, someone replied ‘just walk into any liberal arts class.’” Mark laughs, pointing to it and Tyler rolls his eyes. “They’d eat this person alive.”

“Learning how to spell would help this person so much, though.” Tyler says, leaning his head back on the couch.

They continue looking through the twitter account, laughing at the tweets and replies until they find one that makes Tyler’s heart completely stop in his chest and his breath catch in his throat. There’s no way someone could have written about him, there has to be a mistake.

Mark stares at the tweet, reading it again before squinting down at Tyler’s wardrobe choices and back at it.

“Nah, not you.” Mark assures him, trying to make Tyler feel better.

 **spottedOSU** : s/o to the boy in the hello kitty pajamas, I hope I see you again :)

“Who the fuck else would it be?” Tyler hisses, grasping at his heart. “My left arm is numb. I think I’m having a heart attack.”

“You’re the future doctor,” Mark takes another sip of his coke, raising his eyebrows at him. “You should know.”

“Okay, I _am_ having a heart attack.” Tyler says, pointing to the tweet. “It’s him. Mark, it has to be him.”

“Whoa, what makes you so sure?” Mark sets the laptop down on the table. “It could have been anyone who found you cute, you know. They could have liked the _I’m a mess_ vibe you give off.”

Tyler bit his lip, closing his eyes for a second to think. Mark was always the rational one between the two of them, keeping him in check when he panics about something stupid like this.

“I only spoke to him today,” Tyler reasons, getting up and pacing, tugging at his hair as he walked. “They say they want to see me again. Why would someone who didn't speak to me want to see me again? Makes no sense.”

Mark tosses his hands up in surrender. “Okay, sure, it’s your blue-haired knight in shining armour. What are you going to do about it? It’s not like you’re looking for a relationship.”

Tyler winces at the dig, but manages an indifferent shrug.

“I can—I can be friends with him, Mark. I don't really have that many.”

“How are you going to find him, wise guy?” Mark laughs softly, probably thinking up scenarios where Tyler embarrasses himself completely.

“I can always go back to the class I found him in next week.” Tyler picks at his nails as he says it, knowing exactly how that sounds.

“Dude, no.”

“Do you have any better ideas?” Tyler snaps, crossing his arms over his chest. “I’d love to hear them.”

“Well, no,” Mark clears his throat, looking cornered. “But stalking the guy isn't, _como se dice_... the way to go.”

Tyler gapes, blinking owlishly down at him. “You literally took one semester of spanish, why are you like this?”

“Don’t make this about me!” Mark points to him. “You aren't seriously thinking about going to the class, are you?”

“I just want to be friends with him.”

“ _Tyler_.”

“No,” Tyler sighs, sitting back down with a pout. “I'm not seriously going to go.”

 

\---

 

Tyler lied.

He does that sometimes to get what he wants; in this case it was for Mark to leave him alone about coming to see blue-hair.

It’s amazing, really, because Tyler doesn't know why he wants to know him. He doesn't know why he wants to be friends and he doesn't know why he can't stop thinking about him. It’s driving him crazy trying to figure it out.

Maybe he just wants to know his name.

He has a whole plan for this, too. Instead of working on assignments in his insomniac state, he’d been creating mental blueprints for how he was going to casually bump into blue-hair when he comes out of his classroom and act like it was just coincidence.

As if anything is ever coincidence. Tyler could scoff at the actual word. He’s a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and there’s no such thing as fate or accidental meetings.

There’s a reason he crossed paths with blue-hair and he’s convinced of it even if everyone—Mark—ends up scoffing at him. Whatever reason it is, long-term or short, Tyler will find out why eventually.

Last week the class ended at 10:15, which gave Tyler only 15 minutes to get to his biology class. Makes sense because he remembers wasting time talking to blue-hair and got to his class late. To Tyler’s relief, his prof had assigned them to work in groups, so he managed to sneak into the class without all the awkwardness of having people stare at him.

As soon as the door opens and students start walking out, conversations and laughter flowing around him, he narrows his eyes to make sure blue-hair doesn't slip past him. He’s not going to mess this up again, he won't let himself.

And when the blue head of hair walks out of the room, his signature smile not on his face, Tyler sets the plan in motion to make this fucking sunshine boy happy again.

Because, honestly, Tyler considers himself a gift that keeps on giving and anyone who’s blessed enough to see him during the school year is lucky.

Dodging and weaving through the crowd, muttered apologies and glares being tossed around, he finally catches up to him and purposely drops his already roughed up notebook in front of him.

“Goddamn it!” Tyler growls, annoyed and with a huff that makes blue-boy turn around in time to catch him gracefully squatting down to pick it up.

 _Check and mate_ , Tyler thinks, mentally doing a little victory dance of his own.

“Oh man, are you okay?” Blue-boy walks over and crouches down next to him, a look of concern on his face as he worries at his bottom lip.

“I’m fine,” Tyler sighs as dramatically as he can, feigning exasperation. “Just sucks being trampled by asshole students.”

He pointedly glares at everyone walking around them to conjure that it’s their fault. To be fair, they were sort of being assholes and bumping into him every so often even though Tyler was an even bigger one for blocking the hallway. Blue-hair smiles though, his entire face lighting up with it as he and Tyler stand back up.

“Well, I’m sorry you got trampled. I feel like it’s my civic duty to make it up to you.” Blue-boy replies boldly, making Tyler raise his eyebrow. “Come get a coffee with me? I’m in desperate need of an energy boost and it saves me the trouble of going alone.”

Tyler can’t help but stare at him, proving more and more how he’s a complete amateur at flirting and overall communicating with other people.

“I, uh, I’m sorry…”

“Josh.” Blue-boy supplies and Tyler’s first thought is _fuck, that’s a hot name._

He’s in way too deep, he thinks, because this definitely wasn't a part of the plan and he has no idea how to get out of this hole he’s dug himself now. Out of all the millions of scenarios he’d thought up, this one definitely wasn't one of them, which is ridiculous since it’s what any normal person would do. Everyone’s first get-to-know date was at a coffeeshop. It’s common hipster logic to grab a coffee with your ‘crush’ even though Tyler thinks that’s boring as hell.

Heck, this wasn't even a date. Tyler was getting ahead of himself and self-inducing a panic attack for nothing.

Mark was right; this was a bad idea.

“I’m sorry, Josh, but I have class in about 5 minutes and I—” Tyler tries his best to explain that he isn't blowing him off, though his head quips that he’d _love_ to be blowing him instead. He banishes the thought to the back of his mind.

“No problem,” Josh says with ease, smiling softly. “We can hang out some other time.”

“Tyler, my name is Tyler.” Tyler breathes, his brain turning to absolute mush at the glint in Josh’s eyes. “We can hang out later!”

“Later?” Josh bites his bottom lip to stop his smile from widening. Tyler shouldn't stare, he shouldn't, it’s creepy, but _god_ , he can't help it. “I’d like that actually. It would keep me from doing something stupid.”

Tyler looks away from his lips, waiting for Josh to elaborate what exactly ‘stupid’ consisted of. He doesn't.

“I didn't think you’d actually agree, if we’re being honest.” Tyler admits and Josh bursts out laughing.

“Dude, it’s cool. I mean, we just officially met 2 minutes ago,” Josh says between chuckles. He lifts his hand to push back his hair for a second. “But if you’re down, you can totally come by my apartment later or whatever.”

Warning bells sound in Tyler’s head; what if this guy was a murderer? What if he was leading Tyler into a trap to kill him? Tyler’s watched enough criminal minds episodes to know how this situation unfolds, so why is he nodding and agreeing?

“Sure, man. Sounds good.”

“Awesome!” Josh grabs the pen in Tyler’s hand before reaching for his arm. “May I?”

Tyler nods mutely, gulping when Josh began writing a series of digits along his forearm and oh fuck, this is not a part of the plan, he didn't think he’d _actually_ get his number.

His plan was an absolute clusterfuck of a rollercoaster he didn't sign up to be on. He signed up to be on a normal rollercoaster, like the ones kids go on—not this. He’s sure his heart has whiplash from the amount of emotions he’s felt since he saw this guy.

“Cool,” Josh says when he’s done, handing Tyler back his pen. “I live a few blocks off campus at the university village. There’s a shuttle bus that can take you there, but I’ll text you all the details once I get your number.”

“Yeah, I’ll text you.” Tyler whispers, mesmerized by how close Josh was and how he can see the laugh lines under his eyes and how he smells just like—

“I’ll see you later, dude. I don't want you to be late to your class.” Josh pats him on the shoulder amicably and Tyler’s suddenly reminded of his actual responsibilities.

Tyler curses himself, walking backwards away from him. “Thanks, Josh. I'll see you.”

They both wave a little awkwardly and once Tyler finally turns around, small smile dropping completely off his face in horror, his entire walking monologue to his next class consisting of: _what the fuck, what the actual fuck, how, how in the world, how in the hell?_

This wasn't how things were supposed to play out, but holy shit. He got cute blue-haired boys name and number; he was even invited to Josh’s _apartment_. Tyler’s almost positive he would have started hyperventilating if he weren't so infatuated with Josh’s voice and so focused on the curve of his lips as he spoke.

He walks into his class late, uncaring of all the pairs of eyes that land on him and the mild comment of disappointment from his professor.

This wasn’t a part of his master plan.

What the fuck has he gotten himself into?

 

\---

 

Tyler breaks the news to Mark when Michael is also around to lesson the blow that Tyler disregarded Marks warning about not going to stalk the guy completely.

So Tyler sort of, without a doubt, deserves it when Mark groans for a solid minute straight and says, “What—with all due respect—the fuck, Tyler?”

“I don't know, okay?” Tyler shrugs innocently because he doesn't. He wasn't lying. “I really don't know.”

Tyler had long since texted Josh and gotten his apartment address and confirmation that Josh was still down to hang out tonight. They sent a few other texts back and forth that made Tyler feel like it wasn't entirely a pity invite thing.

“What’s the problem here?” Michael says, grabbing the half eaten bag of doritos on their table. “Fill me in, boys.”

“Tyler is stalking this blue-haired guy because he wants to sleep with him or something.” Mark grabs a dorito, shoving it in his mouth when Tyler gasps.

“No! No, dude, what the hell?”

“Oh, sorry,” Mark turns back to Michael. “I shouldn't say blue-haired guy anymore. His name is apparently _Josh_.”

“Shut up!” Tyler throws a decorative pillow his mother got him for christmas at him. He was glad it was beginning to rip at the edge and fall apart, it’s ugly zig-zag pattern was practically burned into his retinas.

“It’s true!” Mark defends, throwing the pillow back with gross dorito crusted fingers.

“I told you I just wanted to be friends with him,” Tyler glowers, crossing his arms. “He invited me over to be _friends,_ asshole. Not everything is about sex.”

“Tyler has a point.” Michael points out, the voice of reason between the two arguing.

“I don't like this,” Mark states casually after a moment of silence. “What if he’s a murderer?”

Sometimes Tyler was convinced he and Mark shared a brain.

“I already thought of that and he genuinely doesn't seem like the type.” Tyler assures him, but Mark shakes his head.

“Your judgement is faulty, sorry.”

Tyler leans back, offended. “What does that mean?”

“I mean, you want to bang him and you’re lying to yourself by saying you don't.” Mark snaps while Michael chews down on another dorito next to him.

“Will you stop saying that?” Tyler throws his hands out in front of him helplessly. “What do I do? What do _you_ want me to do?”

“You didn't read the board when you came in, did you?” Mark asks and Tyler shakes his head slowly. “Go read it then answer your own question.”

Tyler sighs, but does as told, walking over to where the board was hung across the bathroom.

It read: _when in doubt I ask myself WWGRD and the answer comes to me so quick_

Then, in Michael’s writing beneath it: _WTF?_

But Tyler knew Mark and he was all too familiar with his “ _What Would Gordon Ramsay Do?_ ” motto since he applied it to literally every single thing he did, ever.

Tyler shakes his head, calling out, “Well, Gordon Ramsay would tell you to fuck off and go anyway.”

“Then there’s your answer.” Mark shouts back, only to have Tyler walk back over with a confused look on his face.

“So that’s it? Because that's what a chef would do, you have no problem with me going anymore?” Tyler questions, seriously wondering if Mark was dropped a lot as a child. His reasonings were so damn weird.

“If you get killed, I promise to write you a beautiful eulogy that ends with _I told you so_.” Mark offers instead.

“Fine, whatever,” Tyler says, backing away. “I’m going. I’ll be back later.”

“I won't hold my breath.” Mark quips, nudging Michael to back him up in his theory that Josh is a murderer.

Michael waves him off. “Have fun, buddy. Make smart choices.”

Tyler rolls his eyes and nods, not glancing back at the two boys in his dorm as he leaves. He wouldn't be surprised if they start cuddling and looking up rom-coms on netflix as soon as they can.

His friends were weird.

Tyler doesn't know why he’s so vehement to convince Mark that Josh would be a good friend. It’s just something about his character that makes Tyler radiate to him, kind of like a bee and a flowers pollen. It’s nothing to be worried about, he just enjoys Josh’s witty, always happy attitude, which yeah, is a little scary to him since he's never wanted to _know_ a person so badly before.

Tyler’s waiting for the shuttle bus when it hits him that this is basically a get-to-know session; one of the things he’d been practically dreading since thinking of it earlier.

Worse case scenario, it’s awkward as hell and they never speak again.

Or even worse, what if Josh was really only asking him to go over for sex and Mark was right?

Tyler waves that theory off as soon as it crosses his mind. Josh couldn’t have known he was into guys anyway, Tyler wasn't that blatantly gay, but the thought scares him.

What if Josh really does want to be friends with him? What if he likes Tyler?

Tyler has this deep rooted fear of attachment altering your goals and potential for greatness because you tend to focus all your attention on whoever you’re attached to. It’s ridiculous, but it had been engraved into his head since he was a kid, the _work hard, play hard_ attitude was practically all he knew.

Tyler can’t afford a romantic relationship to lead him off the track to being a successful doctor, not here, not now, probably not ever.

Casual relationships were fine, to some extent. If Josh wanted to be that way and just have someone to sleep with, then Tyler had no problem with it. Josh was good looking and way out of his league so it would be a win situation for him, as shallow as it sounds, not vice versa.

But Josh _didn't_ seem like the type to sleep around without getting attached; Tyler would know. He’s good at reading people since he always looks for the worst in them after meeting them. Josh didn't have any flaw that Tyler could make out and fuck, it _scares_ him.

Wanting to know Josh scares him.

Because what sane person would actually invite a stranger to their home before even getting to know them? Josh had too much trust in his bones, apparently, and Tyler couldn't compromise himself like that. Josh would get attached and it would cause a whole big drama thing. Tyler was not down for it, he didn't need to add that to his hectic schedule of studying and... and attending classes to keep his GPA high.

Tyler doesn't know who he's trying to convince, but his arguments are terrible even to himself.

His father's voice echoes in his head, telling him that school is more important than maintaining college relationships anyway and he flinches, hating himself for agreeing with him.

When the shuttle bus rolls around, door opening for Tyler to get in, he freezes.

He stares at the step to get on with such a pained, torn look on his face because Josh is waiting for him; Tyler had already told him he was on his way, for god's sake. The least Tyler could do was show up and explain this to him if Josh even decides to make any moves on him, which he might not because, logically, he doesn't even _know_ Tyler.

But he can’t.

His feet were anchored to the ground in front of him, fighting against him getting on.

Josh deserved better than someone who couldn't fully commit to him, friendship or relationship wise. Even if there was a 1% chance he would like Tyler, he can't be the one to turn him down or ignore him because he was always busy. Being ghosted was the worst feeling ever and Josh seemed like such a great guy to have that happen to him, even if Tyler would never mean to do it to be hurtful.

The reason he even _has_ two friends was because Mark has been his roommate since freshman year and Michael was basically Mark’s best friend, so Tyler saw him all the time by association (even though now they were all friends).

Josh deserved so much better.

With a subtle shake of his head, Tyler turns around and starts heading back to his dorm without a word, not understanding why he keeps trying so hard to convince himself he did the right thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know what you thought! :) 
> 
> I didn't think I'd have drama in the second chapter, but here we are with Tyler overthinking everything lmao poor guy


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the delayed update; i'm back at uni, so i tend to write less and less frequently. nevertheless, i gotchu all w this long chapter! i hope you all like it!! big love.

Tyler regrets his life choices and in retrospect, he shouldn’t even be surprised considering he hates himself for the stupid things he does. That’s already a given.

It’s just that, in most cases, he almost never feels guilty.

Ever.

Which makes the feeling of dread in his chest build up because if he feels this way for ditching Josh and then ignoring him and his texts and calls then how would he be if he were actually friends with him? Or more, if he had got the chance?

He was getting ahead of himself again.

It doesn't help that he kept scrolling through the messages Josh sent him every few minutes, a frown on his face as he tried to complete his stupid lab report.

 **Tyler 7:17pm**  
hey i'm on my way :)

 **Josh 7:30pm**  
awesome

 **Josh 7:31pm**  
I probably should have cleaned my apartment a bit… oops?

 **Josh 7:32pm**  
don't judge me

 **Josh 7:33pm**  
also don't mind my roommate

 **Josh 7:50pm**  
did you get lost? haha

**[Missed Call: Josh 8:00pm]**

**Josh 8:03pm**  
I hope you didn't get murdered on the way here lol

 **Josh 8:10pm**  
sorry not a good joke my bad

 **Josh 8:45pm**  
alright I get it. have a good night tyler :)

It’s been three days since Tyler fucked up and that’s putting it lightly. He’s thought of so many ways to apologize, writing them out and then erasing them because they aren't good enough. He just can't seem to find the proper way to articulate just how _sorry_ he is.

He doesn't want to, but he beats himself up over it, blaming himself for ruining good things and good chances whenever an opportunity arises because of beliefs that were forced upon him. He’s pathetic and a coward, so to stop himself from over thinking and doing something he regrets, he drowns himself in homework and well, work in general.

Between finishing assignments in his dorm during the middle of the night or working on them in the Ohio Union across his current job at Newport Music Hall before his shifts start, he thinks he’s doing pretty well at keeping his mind free of Josh related thoughts. Mind you, Josh still manages to weasel himself into his thought process, but when he’s busying himself, it’s much easier to forget about it.

His physics professor had good-naturedly mentioned that on average, humans tend to have about 70,000 thoughts a day when a person in his class said they didn't think their answer through when he called on them to give the result of some formula. Whatever the case was, Tyler doesn't care; his point is, not all his thoughts are about Josh.

When he finishes his current shift at the Newport, unfortunately having been stuck doing bar duty and serving a bunch of kids with attitudes, hopping on a bus back to his dorm after cleaning up his fair share of glasses was a blessing in itself.

Except when he does get back, sulkily closing the door, the first thing he sees is the whiteboard and, to Tyler’s utter heartbreak, it read: _No more redbull buddy :(_

It’s a split second decision when he’s back out the door, his phone reading 1:23am right back at him. He weighed the first pro and con he thought up against the other in that split second and he came up with:

Pro: boosted energy to finish his paper

Con: get stabbed on the way to 7/11

Really, he thinks the con is more of a pro anyway, since he’d be free of all the worry pent up inside of him about his future, so going back out was a no-brainer.

The 7/11 is by no means anywhere near him, in fact it’s almost a 15 minute walk away and to walk that 15 minutes back to his room with a pack of redbull is going to be annoying as hell, but there's something about the serenity of the silence around him as he walked that urged him not to turn around.

After being surrounded by live music and yelling all night, the peace and quiet was like a safe haven in his head. It gave him time to think without losing his train of thought. Although, his safe haven tended to turn into a war zone real quick, thoughts of fleeting moments of happiness turning into small digs at himself.

His current dilemma and hate towards himself stems from the fact that he was about to finish his undergrad program this year and he didn't know which medical school he was going to go to after this. His parents were getting annoyed with him, he could tell with every text his mother sent with those fake smile emoji faces tact onto them and every call his father made him, his booming questions in his ear making him want to shrivel up and die.

All he wants to do is shout that he _doesn't know_ , but that wouldn't end well. His parents were good people, they always treated him with respect and in return that’s how Tyler treated them. But to tell them he was done trying to be a doctor, something they've been pushing him toward since he was old enough to know what a job was? No, definitely not a good idea and definitely not a smart move.

Tyler cannot deal with their disappointment.

And even when he does choose which medical school to attend, it’s not as if he’s set to be accepted. There were so many other people striving to get the job he wants, too; what makes him so special? Nothing.

Plus, god forbid he does get in and he does graduate, which hospital would _actually_ offer him a residency?

It’s all just such a hassle and for all the anxiety it caused him, he can't help but doubt himself and continue questioning if it was really worth it. Half his life will be spent in school and the other half stuck in hospitals.

Which is fine; the reason he never told his parents he didn't want to do this was because he does. He wants to help people in any way he can. It’s just stressful sometimes when all he also wants to do is sit at his decade old piano and scream and scream and _scream_ until he feels better.

Tyler sighs, pulling open the door of the 7/11 and rolling his eyes when the loud _ding!_ of the store went off to let the employees know they weren't alone. It’s always dead at this time of night and Tyler wonders briefly if people actually do shop at odd hours; he can't be the only insomniac on campus after all.

He hears someone coming out of the back room and also wonders if they were taking a nap back there and if the noise is supposed to wake them up. It would totally make sense considering how loud it was and it wouldn't be that out of the ordinary. That _ding!_ wasn't a bell, it was like a fucking game show buzzer that goes off when your answer is wrong.

Not wasting time, Tyler picks up his case of redbull and heads back to the front of the store to pay. He stops to look at the chocolate selection, grabbing a single mars bar because his priorities are clearly in check. Who can say no to chocolate?

He’s almost at the cash, a few steps away, when he looks up and locks eyes with a blue-haired boy whose face is completely blank and unreadable.

Tyler almost drops everything he’s holding. It comes very close, his shock evidently showing on his face.

Instead, though, he tries to play it cool. He blinks slowly. Swallows the growing lump in his throat. Looks around the store and back at Josh to make sure he’s not just imagining him there.

He says, with confusion laced in his voice, “Am I on lithium?”

Tyler was tired and overworking himself without question—he knew this. But he definitely wasn’t blind, and when Josh’s lips curl in amusement, his eyes dancing with the short chuckle he tries to stifle, Tyler thought it safe to walk forward and set his stuff on the counter.

“You could be,” Josh says, no judgment in his tone. “I wouldn't know.”

The guilt ate at Tyler’s chest, weighing him down like there was an elephant sitting on him as he swallows again. He’s back where he started; what the hell does he tell the cute blue-haired boy?

“I didn't know you worked here.” Tyler settles, pulling out his wallet as Josh ringed up his purchase.

“It pays the rent.” Josh replies, offering him a tiny, barely there smile. “That’ll be 19.73, dude.”

Tyler hands him a 20 with shaking fingers, his heart pounding in his chest and making it a little hard to speak.

“Josh, I’m sorry.” Tyler manages to choke out, sounding completely miserable even to his own ears. “I’m really sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Josh assures him, handing Tyler his change and bagging up his case and chocolate bar. “I mean, you could have told me that you weren't coming, but I completely understand.”

“You do?” Tyler grabs the bag after putting away his wallet, a doubtful look crossing his features. Josh didn't understand and Tyler knew as much.

“You have your reasons and I respect that.” Josh answers with a small shrug.

This was another example of how Josh was so good, _too_ good for someone like him. His entire rationality told him to leave, to bid him goodnight and be on his way, but he couldn't go. There was a reason Josh kept appearing everywhere he went and he couldn't fuck this up again. He was done being scared of feeling, of having a normal life, of depriving himself of good things.

“Is there any way I can make it up to you?” Tyler furrows his brows and bites his lip self consciously. He doesn't want to sound too desperate, but it’s way too late for that. Here he is, practically begging the guy to forgive him.

“Sure,” Josh replies breezily, a smile forming on his face as he leans forward. “Watch a movie with me.”

“At your apartment?” Tyler raises an eyebrow, a smile forming on his face, too.

Josh’s grin widens. “If you want.”

He was forgiving him. Josh was actually looking Tyler right in the face and telling him he’s not mad about him completely ignoring him.

“But—I don't understand. Why would you even consider this?” Tyler asks, his suspicions getting the best of him.

What if Josh was planning a payback or something? He can already see the scenario where he shows up at Josh’s door only for Josh not to be there vividly in his head.

“Everyone deserves a second chance, Tyler.” Josh looks toward the door when the loud _ding!_ goes off again.

Tyler winces. “I hurt you, though. I didn't even text you back.”

“Yeah,” Josh agrees with a nod. “But, like I said, you had your reasons. For all I know your pet goldfish could've died.”

“Goldfish?” Tyler’s mouth feels like it’s filled with cotton balls. Josh is too good.

“We’re college students, dude. I highly doubt we can handle a cat or dog.”

Josh is smart. Josh is too good and too smart and Tyler has an overwhelming urge to kiss him and he doesn't know why because he doesn't know him.

Why couldn't he be like every other college kid, hooking up with strangers without a problem? Why did he have to have such a weird moral compass? God, he needs all the help he can get.

He’ll get to know him, he decides, and then kiss him.

Someone clears his throat behind him and when Tyler turns around, he sees another kid, about the same age as him, his small hand-cart holding at least 7 ramen noodle packages, 2 Monsters, a pack of M&M’s and a phone charger.

Tyler fights hard not to laugh, from being so sleep deprived and delirious or because he seriously finds it funny, he doesn't know. Either way, now Tyler can live life better knowing he’s not the only insomniac after all.

“I better go.” Tyler awkwardly points toward the door, shuffling his feet a bit. “A movie though, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Josh nods, looking almost proud. “Enjoy your redbull and chocolate. And don't forget to text me this time.”

“Wouldn't dream of it.” Tyler waves, almost bumping into the guy behind him in his hurry to get back to his room.

It doesn't stop him from smiling the whole walk back.

 

* * *

 

The weekend comes around and Tyler learns from his previous mistakes.

When Josh asks him to come over, he sends him a picture of all his notes and laptop screen as proof that he was studying for his chemistry test. Josh sends him a pic of him pouting, but lets him know that it’s totally fine.

He even says that he's glad that Tyler answered this time around. He doesn't think he’ll ever live this down, not so long as he and Josh are friends. Acquaintances? Whatever they were. He figures texting non-stop and smiling down at every message like a complete doof constitutes a friendship.

And when Josh sends Tyler a text asking him if he’d prefer him better with yellow or pink hair, his heart definitely doesn't do weird things he wasn't used to in his chest.

 

* * *

 

On Thursday of that week, Tyler is finally caught up in tests, assignments and all things in between—except Josh.

They still hadn't stopped texting, always finding something new to talk about and it was so easy and simple that Tyler himself couldn't believe it. Tyler, the boy who can't text anyone back, actually answering his phone when he’s in study mode.

It’s unheard of.

Mark actually gets concerned, looking at him like his face has gone blue and he’s growing a unicorn horn on his forehead every time he sees the phone in Tyler’s hand.

“I feel like I’m witnessing some sort of miracle or some sort of cosmic joke.” Mark had said.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Tyler replied, popping another redbull open. “You’ve travelled to an alternate universe where I actually text back, is all.”

Mark nodded, like that’s the only logical explanation he needed and left him be after that, retreating to his bed to either nap or netflix his night away.

Back to his point—Tyler doesn't hesitate when he texts Josh that he’s finally free and they can have their movie night. He’d almost, on purpose, accidentally wrote movie _date_ , but he stopped and erased it before embarrassing himself.

So, naturally, when Josh tells him he’s free that night too, he should have been happy about it, right? Wrong. Tyler’s heart practically drops to his ass because there was still that little hope in him that they could delay this meeting a little longer.

Add in his lack of social skills and fear of opening up to others and you've got a cocktail for a disastrous night.

Tyler sucks it up; he’s 21 years old this shouldn't be as hard as he imagines it being. His advantage to this problem is that he knows that he overthinks everything until it made him feel sick with emotions. He wasn't going to let that happen anymore. He’s working on it.

Which is why, when he finds himself standing in front of Josh’s apartment door, he fights hard not to turn around and bolt back home.

“Okay. C’mon,” He attempts to pep talk himself quietly. “You can do this. You and Josh text every day. You like him and he likes you. I mean, probably, right? What could possibly go wrong? You have nothing to lose anyway. Except maybe, like, your dignity, but that’s been long gone since—I’m getting off track here. If things get awkward just start quoting movies and tv shows that come to mind. That always seems to work for Mark when he gets himself into trouble. Just don't fuck this up again, I’m actually begging you. Myself? Whatever.”

Tyler doesn't make any move to knock on the door when he finishes talking. He just stares at the door again, feet planted into the ground like a tree, not budging no matter how hard he wills himself to move.

“This is stupid,” Tyler whispers at how nervous he is, glancing upward toward the ceiling to a God that ignores all his prayers, apparently. “Just, I don't know. Give me a sign that I should stay.”

It’s hard to take God seriously when time and time again Tyler’s taken out his bible—ripped and worn-out at the edges from use —and prayed to him for help, for guidance during hard times with nothing gained in return. No insight, no magical way to solve his problems. Just plain old _nothing_. He’s starting to feel like an idiot, like some sort of sheep that was forced to follow a herd to be cool when he was born.

He’s about to give up, to finally turn around and leave, a frustrated sigh building up in his throat at how big of a coward he is when he hears the faintest sound of music coming through the door opposite of him. Tyler strains to hear, to try and recognize the tune, but falls short on it, the sound too muffled. His knowledge of music isn't bad either, his music taste mostly ranges into all genres imaginable, reaching one end of the spectrum to the other.

This is his sign; he’ll just have to ask Josh what he’s listening to. Without hesitation, he starts to knock on the door, three times seeming suffice enough, his previous jitters returning as soon as his arm drops back down to his side. He takes a deep breath, trying to compose himself before the door is being pulled open.

Tyler locks eyes with someone who most definitely is not Josh.

This guy was in nothing but sweats, Tyler’s eyes travelling the length of his chest and torso before he can stop himself. His stomach was toned enough that the beginning of a set of abs was starting to peek through as his slender fingers held a coffee cup with weed leaves peppered all around it. Tyler’s face heats up, looking back at the boys face and seeing his eyebrow raised in question, pieces of his brown slicked back hair falling onto his forehead when he tilts his head with a smirk that made anyone want to sin playing at the edges of his lips.

“Can I help you?” The guy asks politely, giving him a once over. Tyler suddenly feels a little overdressed in his black jeans and black sweater.

“I’m a friend of Josh’s?” Tyler inquires tentatively. Doubt sets in again; _was_ he a friend of Josh’s?

The thought of Josh giving him a fake address this entire time doesn't even get to settle in his head enough to make Tyler angry and disappointed because Josh’s name seems to spark up the guys interest. He moves aside and motions for Tyler to step inside without a word, the music louder now that the door was wide open. Tyler obliges, though he eyes the guy skeptically. He can’t help feeling a little helpless, like the guy was a wolf after it’s prey.

That analogy itself makes Tyler tense up, his mouth pressing into a thin line. Helpless is the last thing he is. He hopes that the way his eyes are narrowed shows the guy not to fuck with him since he took a self defence class once. That shit was life changing. Tyler could elbow a person and break their nose easily, on reflex and muscle memory, if he wanted to.

“Josh, you have a visitor!” The boy sang loudly enough to be heard, a teasing edge creeping into his voice and the music stops so abruptly Tyler almost laughs. He relaxes at the sound of Josh’s name though, all thoughts of attacking and bolting the hell out of there vanishing.

Tyler keeps his face blank, not giving the other guy the satisfaction. It’s only when he sees Josh that he feels his lips curl upward in a small smile, his brain taunting him, whispering the word _crushcrushcrush_ over and over to mock him.

Josh stood in front of him, out of breath and his—pink!—hair disheveled like he’d been running his fingers through it all day. Unlike the other boy, Josh is wearing his signature black ripped jeans and sporting a grey NASA t-shirt that Tyler swears he saw in a vintage store a while back. Josh beams at him, moving past his roommate to stand in front of him.

“You made it!”

“Oh, yeah,” Tyler breathes, linking his fingers together. “Your place is easy to find, bro.”

“Could have fooled me.” Josh grins when Tyler rolls his eyes playfully. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding.”

Josh’s roommate clears his throat. “Aren't you going to introduce me, dumbass?”

Josh gives Tyler an exasperated look, mouthing something Tyler can't make out before turning back around to face him.

“Brendon, this is Tyler.” Josh points to Tyler, then to Brendon. “Tyler, this is Brendon. Are you happy now?”

“Very,” Brendon grins, stepping forward and grabbing Tyler’s now outstretched hand. “Nice to meet you, man. Heard lots about you.”

“Oh?” Tyler says, raising an eyebrow.

“Like how you totally bailed on my boy Josh here last time he was gracious enough to invite you to _mi casa_.” Brendon mentions it casually, like it’s no big deal, but Tyler let’s go of his hand like he’d insulted his mother or something.

Also, what is it with everyone adding random bits of spanish into sentences? Is Tyler the only one who took french? What the hell, this is what he gets for trying to be ‘different’. An outcast in life and in languages.

“Okay, Brendon. You’re being a dick.” Josh cuts in before Tyler can say anything.

“Am I wrong, though?” Brendon smirks, not even bothering to try and look innocent.

“No, you're not. I’m an asshole, dude.” Tyler answers for Josh and Brendon looks at him, thrilled.

“At least you’re honest.”

“You’ve lost your privileges of staying with us.” Josh tells his friend, a serious look on his face.

“Took longer than five minutes, though.” Brendon finger guns, walking backwards away from them. “You owe the takeout jar ten bucks! See you around, Tyler.”

Then he’s walking down the narrow hallway and disappearing into a room Tyler guesses is his. He’d been so focused on Josh he hadn't even bothered to take a look around; the apartment is small, curtains covering the two windows where he’s at in the entryway. From where he’s standing, he could see the kitchen, the tightness of it making him almost dreadful of seeing what it’s like to be rushing in the morning. Dropped food and spilled coffee must be a norm in this place. The walls leading to the living room were covered in posters ranging from Green Day and Blink-182, to Frank Sinatra and Elvis.

It’s a difference from his dorm room, where his walls were just the offhand white he started the school year with.

Josh leads him to the living room—they pass a bathroom on the way—, where a couch was placed conveniently against the wall furthest from the tv and their wooden dining table on the right hand side of the room, topped with a single cactus plant. There are four chairs, two of them lining the sides of the table and Tyler sees that the wall connected to the kitchen opens up and serves as a countertop for two more people to sit at.

There’s a rug and coffee table in front of the L shaped couch and Tyler doesn't understand how such a small place can feel so cozy and like home when he’s never lived like this; he’s always had his space in his dorm and his house wasn’t _huge_ , but it was definitely above average.

“I… really like your place.” Tyler tells Josh to fill the silence. Josh motions for him to sit down on the couch with him and Tyler does.

“Thanks.” Josh looks content; grateful even. “I’m sorry about my roommate.”

“It’s fine, mine would be the same.” Tyler assures him, shrugging lamely.

Josh grins and shakes his head. “Doubt it. Brendon was… behaved. He’s so much worse on any given day.”

“My roommate—his name is Mark—he’s convinced you’re a murderer.” Tyler tucks a leg under himself and angles his body to look at Josh better.

“ _Really?_ ” Josh laughs, pointing to himself. “I am the least violent person out there.”

“Well, he doesn't know that, does he?” Tyler chuckles.

“Neither do you.” Josh points out, a mischievous smirk forming on his face.

Tyler gives him a look of disbelief; he’s talked to him enough to know that the guy was harmless.

“Before we start this movie night, I say we get to know each other.” Josh fills the silence again and Tyler blinks. This is the get-to-know part of this, why did he think they could skip through it like an idiot? What the hell is he gonna say about himself?

“Sure, what do you want to know?” Tyler answers, trying to keep his voice steady.

“No, that's boring, bro.” Josh giggles at Tyler’s confused look. “Let’s play a game called _answer or pass_. It’s self explanatory enough, right?”

“Answer what I want, pass what I don't?” Tyler is beginning to think Josh was just a naturally happy guy. Deep down, he knew that those types of people had the worst demons in their heads. He hopes Josh doesn't.

“Exactly. I’ll start. What’s the last netflix show you watched?”

Tyler nods sagely, like that’s a great, thoughtful question. You can learn a lot about another person from what they watch on netflix, it’s true.

“The Blacklist, I think.” Tyler watches Josh nod approvingly and asks his question, plaguing his mind since he was outside. “What were you listening to earlier?”

“When Brendon called me? _Shot at the night_ by the killers. Hey—are you okay?” Josh reaches forward and places a hand on his knee when Tyler’s eyes widen in surprise. Is God testing him?

He doesn't stop the smile breaking the tough exterior he’s built for himself. “I fucking love the killers, dude.”

“ _Sick_.” Josh doesn't move his hand away. Tyler doesn't say anything. “Birthday?”

“December first,” Tyler grins. “My zodiac sign is sagittarius.”

“Damn, am I that easy to read?” Josh huffs, pouting a bit. “My birthday is June 18.”

Tyler wrinkles his nose. “Ew, a gemini.”

“Don’t disrespect the stars!”

“Yeah, yeah,” Tyler sticks his tongue out. “Full name and major?”

“That’s two questions.” Josh accuses, giving him a pointed look. “Joshua William Dun and right now I’m majoring in english lit.”

“Right now?” Tyler muses, shifting slightly on the couch.

“I keep switching majors,” Josh explains. “I don't really know what I want to do in life, you know? I’m young. I’m only turning 22, so I’m just trying to enjoy what I’ve got right now. If I ever find a major I really like then obviously I’ll pursue it.”

“Do you really like english lit?” Tyler asks through numb lips. Everything in him was screaming that this guy wasn't right for him; how could he be? They were total opposites.

He didn't even know what he was going to do with his life while Tyler had his goals set out for the next ten fucking years.

 _Opposites attract_ , the voice at the back of his mind reminds him, trying to calm him down.

“Not really.” Josh admits and elaborates when he sees the borderline tortured look on his face. “Money isn't an issue with, uh, my family. My dad’s a neurosurgeon and my mom’s a lawyer, so they kind of… hold on, I’m not explaining this right. I’m not a snob or anything, believe me. I don't get everything handed to me on a silver platter. But when it comes to school, my parents support me in anything as long as I’m learning something. Like, this apartment? I pay for it with Brendon with my own money. It’s why I work a crappy job with crappy hours.”

“It pays the rent,” Tyler echoes Josh’s words.

“Exactly. I don't want to worry too much about my future, you know? I could die tomorrow for all I know.” Josh smiles softly. “At least I’ll be happy with my life choices. What about you?”

Tyler is taken aback. “Am I happy with my life choices?”

“No,” Josh laughs, nudging Tyler’s knee with his hand. “Though, I hope you are. I meant, what’s your full name and major? It’s only fair you answer this one, too.”

“Uh, Tyler Robert Joseph and I’m trying to get a bachelor’s in chemistry.” Tyler doesn’t know why he’s avoiding Josh's eyes.

“Cool,” Josh moves his hand off his knee despite Tyler’s disappointment. “Anyone in health sciences always ends up doing good things in life.”

“Ha, yeah,” Tyler loosens up when he looks over and sees an intense sincerity on Josh’s face. “I’m trying to be a doctor someday.”

“You don't sound so happy with that.” Josh says after a moment.

“I have my doubts,” Tyler admits, his teeth catching at his lower lip before continuing, “But it’s something I want to do. I mean, my parents have been pushing me toward this all my life. It would be dumb to drop out now.”

Josh watches him silently and Tyler feels exposed; he’s never expressed doubt about his career choices out loud before. It’s always been ‘I’m going to do this and succeed’ mentalities since he started college.

“That’s not a good thing,” Josh doesn't stop when Tyler scoffs. “You shouldn't do things because you feel obligated to.”

“Easy for you to say.” Tyler snaps, then shakes his head. “Sorry. That was rude. It’s just—my parents are spending all this money on me, right? But it’s more of an IOU thing. They think I’m going to be super successful someday and it’s not like I’m completely against this career. I want to help people. I want to make a difference. It’s like a two birds, one stone situation.”

“Yeah, I get it.” Josh says and smiles almost sadly. Tyler doesn't take that.

“Favourite superhero?”

Josh’s bright smile returns, eyes squinting with it. “Spider-Man. You know, you kind of sound like the new one.”

“They made a new one?”

“Dude, what the heck? _Yes_.” Josh claps his hands excitedly. “We’re watching that later. Do you have any tattoos?”

“No, but I’m planning on getting one soon.” He shrugs and then, because he has nothing to lose, “Are you straight?”

“Digging deeper, huh?” Josh leans in closer while Tyler’s cheeks tint pink. “To answer your question: no, I am not. Are you?”

“Not in the slightest.” Tyler answers without hesitation. If there’s one thing he’s sure about and he can depend on knowing, it’s how fundamentally gay he is.

“Are you a virgin?” Josh grins, still leaning close to him, his arm draping on the back of the couch.

Tyler swallows, adam's apple bobbing. “That’s two questions in a row.”

A pause.

“Is that a pass?”

“Oh, my god, no. I’m not a virgin. Favourite band?”

“That’s like choosing between a child. Pass.” Josh hums jokingly, then winks. “Have you ever been in love?”

And it hits Tyler too sudden that Josh is _flirting_ with him. All this time, the questions weren't to annoy him and get under his skin; it really was to get to know him better because he does like him. Tyler doesn't let himself panic. This is a good thing, this is him moving on and getting over himself. Wasn’t it?

Tyler shakes his head in response, not trusting his flustered tongue.

“Would you like to be?” Josh is teasing him now, his tone suggesting as much.

“I’m not—I’m not looking for a relationship right now, Josh.” Tyler says through his teeth, eyeing the other boy. “I don’t have the time. It wouldn't be fair to whoever is _stupid_ enough to like me.”

And this is his defense mechanism, isn't it? Insult him and push him away instead of dealing with it and trying new things out. Maybe he ruins things for himself because he doesn't feel deserving of good things. That would explain so much, but when Josh’s smile doesn't waver at the insult he feels a shred of hope in his chest that he desperately tries not to stomp out.

“I think that falling in love is something everyone should experience before they die.”

“Have you ever been in love?” Tyler asks, curious now.

“Once. To a girl named Debby.” Josh smiles at the memory. “We’re actually still friends to this day, things just didn't work out. But damn, did I love her. She made everything feel so easy and so—so _exhilarating_.”

“I thought you weren’t straight.” Tyler responds dryly, his jealousy making his own skin crawl in discomfort. He didn't have anyone who made him feel that way or that talked so highly of him behind his back.

“I’m not. I fall in love with whoever I fall in love with. Girl, boy, whoever in between. It doesn't matter to me.” Josh tilts his head in thought. “I’m pretty sure the correct term is pansexual, but whatever. Love is love and all that.”

“Must be nice.”

“Tyler, you have to have felt _something_ for someone at some point.” Josh insists, trying to get Tyler to continue talking instead of completely shutting down. “Unless you’re aromantic, then that would make sense.”

“No, I'm not aromantic.” Tyler groans, leaning his head back on the couch. “It’s just that, no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, the ones I love will always be the ones who pay.”

Josh bursts out laughing, his laugh so infectious Tyler can't help but join in with his own high pitched giggles. “You did not just quote the original Spider-Man at me, dude. You did _not_.”

“Dude, I don't know, I panicked!” Tyler giggles and Josh is laughing so hard no sound is coming out of his mouth anymore and holy shit, Tyler wants to kiss him.

He doesn’t, but he wants to.

“Did you dye your hair pink because I told you I liked it better?” Tyler asks once they catch their breaths.

It makes his heart melt into a puddle of nothing but adoration when Josh takes one look at him, smiles his beaming smile and brightly says, “Totally.”

And if Tyler spends the rest of the night regretting his choice not to kiss him, then that’s his problem.

 

* * *

 

As soon as Tyler makes it back to his dorm the next day, his eyes practically made of hearts, he slams his door shut and leans on it like a lovestruck teenager.

He kind of wants to go the full mile and scream into his pillow.

They’d ended up watching the new Spider-Man after asking each other a few more questions and Tyler had fallen asleep on him. He literally fell asleep on the boy he was desperately thirsting on. He was living every cliché movies plot and he was so, so screwed. This wasn't a crush; it was infatuation. It was feelings. It was new and unfamiliar and what was the word Josh used when he described his ex? Exhilarating? It was all of that and more.

He looks at the board for the familiarity of it. Mark wrote: _Where is Tyler?_

Tyler leans his head back and laughs softly. This was unbelievable. His life should be turned into a sitcom, or better yet, when he becomes a successful doctor who somehow manages to cure cancer and they make a biopic movie about him, they should include this part where he starts developing and having feelings.

He grabs the marker and jokingly writes: _28 days, 06 hours, 42 minutes, 12 seconds: that is when the world will end._

 

* * *

 

When the weekend comes around, Tyler finds himself inviting Josh over to his dorm. He’d much prefer going back to Josh's apartment, the feel of _home_ still attached to him, but Mark has been pestering him to meet Josh and when Mark wants something, he asks Michael to join in on the pestering.

They annoy Tyler until he finally snaps and caves and tells Josh to come over.

It really wouldn't have been a problem, but Mark and Michael are getting along with Josh a little too well and it’s freaking Tyler out. He’d been under the impression that they’d be psychoanalyzing him, but he was so wrong.

They were all sitting together, Tyler and Josh on the couch, Mark and Michael on the floor opposite the coffee table.

“Did Tyler tell you what he did last summer?” Mark grins after Josh tells a story about his apartment shenanigans with Brendon. (It involved a blowtorch, a bong and a shower curtain catching fire, but Josh didn’t seem too concerned as he said it, so Tyler laughed along.)

“No. No, he didn't.” Josh replies, side-eyeing him.

“And we will not retell the story.” Tyler quips, pointing at Mark. “ _You_. You know the rules. You signed the treaty.”

Mark opens his mouth to answer only to be beat by Josh. “What treaty?”

“The _Treaty Of Silence_ is what we call it,” Michael answers for all of them. “Tyler made us swear not to talk about what happened last summer.”

“Aw, come on. Can’t I be an exception?” Josh turns those puppy eyes on him and Tyler thanks God for giving him the strength to shake his head.

“Tyler’s no fun, bro. He’s had a stick up his ass since he was born.” Mark pats Josh’s shoulder when he pouts and leans back on the couch, taking a gulp out of his offered redbull.

“Mark?” Tyler says loudly, getting his attention.

“Yes?”

“Fuck yourself, pal.”

“Aw, Tyler,” Mark clutches at his heart, touched. “I love you, too.”

Michael thankfully deviates the conversation away from the _Treaty Of Silence_ and Tyler swells with pride that all his friends get along so well.

“What’s up with that board you guys hang up?” Josh points in the direction of it as if they didn't know it was there.

“What does it read today?” Michael asks instead, looking toward Mark and Tyler.

“‘ _Goal: finish my bio assignment before the xanax kicks in,_ ’’ and someone replied ‘ _stop trying to be edgy._ ’” Josh answers while the other two boys snicker into their palms.

“Tag yourself, I’m the second comment.” Mark chimes, earning a laugh from everyone.

“It’s a conversation board,” Tyler tells Josh. “Mark and I use it to talk and give each other guidance, only it’s expanded to everyone writing on it now.”

“That’s sick,” Josh nods, his eyes lighting up. “Can I write something when I leave?”

“Definitely.” Mark says and the pure joy on his face can only be matched with that one time Tyler got him a limited edition _Batman_ comic for his birthday.

Tyler lets it slide, only because he’s grinning from ear-to-ear, too. He doesn't remember the last time he had a real get together type of hangout with actual _friends._ Maybe when he was still on the basketball team in high school, but those weren't really his friends, just a social ladder he managed to climb just because he was on the team.

It’s a different feeling all around and Tyler welcomes it.

At some point during their little get together, Tyler excuses himself to go to the washroom. He doesn't really think anything of it until he walks back out to the sounds of Josh’s loud guffaws of laughter. Truthfully, Tyler doesn't think he’s ever made Josh laugh that hard as long as he’s known him, so when he reaches them and sees Mark and Michael with twin looks of satisfaction on their faces, he already knows, sadly, what’s coming next.

Josh glances at him for a second and can't contain himself again, the melody of his laugh ringing in Tyler’s ears. He wants to memorize it, to close his eyes and hear it whenever he feels down because the sound was just so _pure_ , so innocent. It reminded him of when he was young and carefree and didn't have any responsibilities.

“Tyler.” Josh gasps, his face red from lack of air. “Tyler, I can't believe you _did_ that!”

Tyler narrows his eyes, almost squinting at all three boys in front of him. His lips purse in disdain as he eyes all of them, trying to see who’s at fault before he lunges straight at Mark.

“ _You traitor!_ ”

Josh just laughs harder.

 

* * *

 

 

It’s a rainy day in Columbus, Ohio when Tyler accepts the fact that he’s letting himself slip up willingly. He’s purposely straying away from his ambitions and he’s choosing the path of having actual relationships over work ethic.

It breaks him; how did he let this happen? How could he be so naive and hopeful that everything in his life would work out?

He’d gotten a B- on his last lab report. That wouldn't fucking do, not when he’s been working so hard to avoid this. _Failure_ , he keeps thinking, wanting nothing more than to up and leave the classroom and go lay in his bed, hoping for darkness to overcome him and make him stop thinking. _You’re a failure_.

The weather is kind of ironic because Tyler can't wait to walk in it to go back to his room. Can't catch you crying in the rain; tears are camouflaged.

Someone snaps their fingers in front of his face, trying to get his attention.

“Earth to Tyler. Are you okay?” Jenna—his lab partner—asks, worry written all over her face. Her perfectly sculpted eyebrows were furrowed in concern and her blonde hair was up in a loose bun, keeping her hair out of all the chemicals they were working with.

“I got a B-.” He says, hanging his head in shame. This is what he gets for having a _life_.

“That’s great, Ty!” Jenna beams, not catching on to his mood until he lifts his glare at her. “Or not?”

“It’s not. It’s terrible. What the heck am I supposed to do with a B-?” Tyler hisses, tapping his pencil down on their lab table, annoyed. Jenna laughs.

She straight up, without any sort of remorse, laughs at him, covering her mouth as she does. Her blue eyes were practically swimming with amusement when she quiets down, patting Tyler on the shoulder in comfort. He tries really hard not to glower and shrug her off, but her laughing at him is kind of insulting.

“Tyler, buddy, a B- isn't that bad.” Jenna assures him, but she doesn't _understand_. “It’s literally what I got, too. Besides, this professor drops our two lowest lab report grades anyway.”

Tyler instantly perks up. “What? Really?”

“Yeah. It’s on the syllabus.” Jenna grins, nudging his shoulder with her own. “So, quit moping. It’s not a good look on you.”

“Thank you, Jenna.” Tyler breathes, because this was the best news he could have ever gotten. There wasn't anything wrong with him and this wouldn't affect his GPA score; he just had to not half-ass his other assignments and get distracted again. He could do that.

Right as that thought crosses his mind, he sees his phone screen light up at the corner of the table where he’d placed it for safekeeping. He could see Josh’s name with the cute little alien emoji he insisted Tyler add on so clearly that his fingers twitched, dying to grab the phone and see what he said.

Instead, he looks away and starts reading the guidelines for their lab. Josh could wait. It’s not like it was the end of the world, or whatever.

Jenna pokes him in the ribs.

Tyler ignores her.

“Who’s texting you?” Jenna pokes him again, grinning when he gives her a sharp look. “You never text during class, let alone leave your phone out.”

Tyler licks his lips, thinking. “It’s a… he’s a new friend.”

“Tyler Joseph: introvert by day, social climber by night.” Jenna narrates dramatically, making Tyler giggle.

“Not a social climber, Jen. I do like him, though.” Tyler tells her. Admitting it to someone who doesn't know Josh feels so much easier than telling the two people who do. It’s like a breath of fresh air, leaving him smiling softly with an awed feeling building in his chest.

Jenna hums, grabbing one of the flasks filled with liquid. “A shame. You and I would have made such a power couple.”

“We still can. My offer still stands that you can be my beard at family events.” Tyler sticks his tongue out at her when she chokes and smacks his arm.

“Would you pay me at least?”

“I’d pay you in food and my outstanding company.” Tyler adjusts his safety glasses before he picks up a different glass and pours the liquid into the glass Jenna was holding.

“Sold!” Jenna sets her flask down and grabs her pen, quickly writing down the results she sees. Tyler follows suit.

They finish the lab, both joking around and getting serious when they actually had to take notes, but when it comes time to leave, Jenna stops him abruptly. She tells him that if he wants, she can send him her lab report and he can compare, so that he’d have better chances at getting his A+ grades back.

Tyler almost hugs her in gratitude.

 

* * *

 

When Tyler’s working, he tends to have two rules: number one, don't get distracted when doing a task. Straightforward enough and easily done. Number two, don't get too friendly with people talking to him. Usually they did because they wanted something, whether it be to meet the band, or free drinks, or even something else entirely.

Tonight, he’s reached his last sense of decency of staying calm and practically growls that he’s not working to make _friends_ , he’s working to make _money_ , so they can stop trying to talk to him. People scoff, muttering insults at him, but goddamn it, Tyler doesn't give an ounce of shit. He pours kids’ shots, makes their drinks and he hates bar duty so badly, he can't stand it. He lets himself take a breath to compose himself, eyeing the alcohol like it’s the answer to all his problems; one shot would loosen him right up.

No. Not a good idea.

He continues working, moving, catering to everyone’s requests, his usual smile and positive outlook on the job gone, practically non-existent, until he’s finally off the clock.

When he grabs his phone after tossing on his sweater and sees he has two missed calls from Josh, the worst case scenarios pop into his head. He was murdered. Killed. He was calling to escape and Tyler totally let him down. One call is fine, but two? That’s asking for help.

Tyler calls him back as fast as he can, walking out of the Newport without saying bye to anyone.

“Hello?” Josh’s voice sounds wide awake, hardly hushed, so Tyler abandons all the negative outcomes of him being kidnapped.

“Hey, Josh, you called?” Tyler replies softly, the night air getting chillier and chillier as fall progresses.

“Yeah! Sorry. I was just wondering if you wanted to go to, like, ihop or something.”

Tyler pulls his phone away from his ear, a baffled look on his face as he looks at the time. He brings it back to his ear in time to hear Josh say his name, honey sweet.

“Josh, it’s past midnight.” Tyler says slowly, the sound of a group of drunk dudes laughing in the distance making him narrow his eyes.

“So?” Josh questions, rustling being heard on his end. Probably papers. Probably homework. _Literature kids_ , Tyler thinks, holding back a chuckle. “It’s not like you sleep anyway.”

Tyler huffs a small laugh. “You’re totally right. Sure, i'll go to ihop with you. I just finished work, so I’m still at the Newport, but I should be back at my dorm in 20 minutes if I’m lucky—”

“Stay right there, Ty,” Josh cuts him off excitedly. “I'll come pick you up.”

“You have a car?” Tyler replies dumbly.

“Even better,” Josh pauses for effect, then lowly whispers. “A motorcycle.”

“Shut up, no you don't! I don’t believe you.” Tyler giggles, already giddy at the mental image of Josh. On a motorcycle.

That’s, like, what everyone’s dreams are made of.

“See you in a few, Tyler Joseph. Me and my motorcycle can't wait to see you.” Josh teases before hanging up.

It really shouldn't be surprising anymore how much of an impact Josh has on his mood. He can make him go from angry and frustrated to happy and hopeful in just the mere seconds of their phone conversation and if that doesn't scare him half to death, he doesn't know what will. He’s never quite understood it when songs wrote about falling too hard, too fast, but he’s suddenly a living example of it. When people write, they should use his life as a fucking reference.

Truth be told, Tyler never intended to have feelings; he really did just want to be friends with Josh. Then they started talking, _actually_ talking and this unspeakable force started pulling at him, at his _heart_ and there's no other explanation other than love. Love scratched her clawed fingers against his heart, teasing him with just a taste of what it could be even when he was kicking and screaming that he didn't want to know, but now that Tyler does, how can he go back?

It was ridiculous.

And when Josh pulls up next to him, riding a sleek black motorcycle, his tattooed arm lifting to take off his helmet and let his wild curls loose, looking all the more like an angel sent from heaven, Tyler has literally no doubts about it. He’s falling in love.

“She’s beautiful.” Tyler says in greeting, walking up to him.

“She is.” Josh agrees, turning and grabbing a second helmet from out of nowhere to give him. “Hop on.”

Tyler takes the helmet with shaking fingers, the thoughts catching up to his actual rationale. _He’s falling in love_.

“You’re a good driver, right?” Tyler puts it on as confidently as he can.

“I haven't died yet.” Josh replies when Tyler swings his leg over the seat, sitting behind him easily, his thighs pressing against Josh’s. Josh puts his helmet on. “You might want to hold on, though.”

“Hold on to what?” Tyler’s grinning, though Josh can't see it through his helmet.

“I’m sure you'll figure it out.” Josh calls as the bike roars back to life and Tyler’s arms automatically wrap around Josh’s waist when they move, his chest pressing against his back.

Tyler’s never been on a motorcycle, but the air blowing through him every time they moved, Josh’s ‘how you doing?’ and ‘you alright?’ comments brought a certain urgency on him and made him hug himself tighter against him to assure him he’s fine. Josh laughs, the sound getting lost in the wind and Tyler feels so at home with this wild, adventurous soul. It makes literally zero sense as to how, because he's always been against this type of thing, but Tyler loves it. He could get used to this.

When they get to the ihop, parking in one of the empty spaces with ease, Tyler removes his helmet with a sigh of relief and pure content, his heart singing in exhilaration in his chest. They didn't need to get on a motorcycle for Tyler’s heart to run laps, though, mind you. It does that on its own when he’s around Josh.

“That was awesome.” Tyler grins, awed. He gets off the bike, swaying on his feet a bit before catching himself. “So sick.”

“Dude, I know. Only one helmet lock, though.” Josh says offhandedly, as if Tyler knows what that means. Josh puts Tyler’s helmet back into the secret place that Tyler hadn't noticed and keeps his under his arm.

Josh gestures to the front door, and the two make their way over, enjoying the other’s presence in the silence around them.

“Does it get tiring carrying the helmet around everywhere?” Tyler asks, curious.

“No, not really. This shit costs a lot of money and I’d rather look like an ass than have it be stolen.” Josh answers, holding the door open for him.

The waitress working nods to them as soon as they get in, signalling that they can sit wherever they wanted, so Josh takes it upon himself to sit at the booth near the window. They weren't alone, two other couples mingling about the entire place, soft spoken conversations echoing in the eerie restaurant.

“I’ve never been here this late before.” Tyler admits, his less than exciting past of doing homework non-stop every night haunting him.

“You haven't lived, dude!” Josh places his helmet down on the seat next to him, smirking as he leans his elbows on the table right after. “Pancakes and hashbrowns this late at night are the reason I believe in God.”

“Oh, yeah?” Tyler plays along, feigning interest and Josh looks around shiftily before leaning in closer.

“My sister says that pancakes and burritos will be my downfall.” Josh tells him, like it’s a super important secret that can't be known by anyone.

Tyler smiles, opening his mouth to speak, but getting cut off by the waitress suddenly at his side. She's got bright red hair, a slender nose and a megawatt smile for having a graveyard shift.

“Hey guys, my name is Cherry and i'll be serving you today. Would you like to start with something to drink?” She looks between the two of them until Josh clears his throat, smiling despite himself.

“Two coffees sound fantastic right now.”

She nods, telling them she'll be right back with said coffees and take their order. Tyler doesn't even open his menu, looking at Josh like he’s just solved all of the words mysteries. Josh on the other hand, is fascinated with the menu selection and Tyler could roll his eyes. 99% chance Josh already knows what he wants and is just looking through to look like he cares.

“You already know what you're gonna order, don't you.” Tyler taps his fingers on the table condescendingly.

“Yup.” Josh stretches the word out, not looking up from the menu until Cherry sets their coffees down.

“We ready?” She takes out her notepad, preparing herself to write.

“Original pancakes for me.” Tyler tells her, watching her nod as she writes and turn her attention to Josh.

“Chocolate chip pancakes and a side of hashbrowns for me.” Josh grins, letting her take the menus and disappear. “Don't try to touch my hashbrowns, boy.”

“You don't think I can take some without you noticing?”

“Quite frankly, no.”

Tyler scoffs. “Challenge accepted.”

“Good luck. You won't know what hit you.” Josh warns, narrowing his eyes and crossing his arms to look more intimidating.

But Tyler doesn't know what to say to that, how to make a snarky remark like he usually does when Josh is looking at him like _that_. The silence has never been his friend—in fact, it’s always been his enemy, whispering thoughts in his head that he’d rather not have. He tries not to look awkward, looking around the restaurant like he’s interested in the decor, but he can already hear to small voice at the back of his mind telling him Josh isn't talking because he doesn't like him.

Josh clears his throat again. “Uh. So. How’d your essay writing go?”

“What?” Tyler replies, just as confused as Josh’s face is vulnerable.

“I was talking to Mark, and you know, Mark talks a lot,” Josh says and Tyler nods. That’s true. “He said you were super stressed about a grade you got and you've been, uh… isolating yourself to do better on your assignments.”

Tyler stares at him, not convinced. “Mark told you that?”

“Well, not exactly. I put two and two together. I guess—I’m just asking if you're okay, Ty.”

Tyler’s heart clenches. God, it needed to stop being so annoying, but no one’s ever subjectively asked him if he’s genuinely okay or not. He’s never really unloaded his problems to others, never brought his miserable mood into a conversation. He always tried to keep himself professional, even around Mark and Michael, and when he was finally alone, that’s when he let his emotions out.

“I’m fine. I’m all good, why wouldn't I be?” Tyler asks rhetorically, then before Josh can answer adds, “Tell me about your family.”

“My family?” Josh says slowly, Tyler’s deviation plan working beautifully.

“Yeah. I mean, not your parents since you already talked about them, but your sister? I didn't know you had one.” Tyler babbles and honestly, he was going to ask Josh this earlier, so it’s a win-win situation.

“My _sisters_ ,” Josh emphasizes the plural. “And my brother.”

Tyler nods, waiting for Josh to continue, but he’s lost in thought. His eyes looked faraway, glazed over like he was reliving something from the past and Tyler waits patiently, trying not to let the silence get to him.

“I’m the oldest of 4,” Josh declares after a few minutes, locking his eyes with Tyler's. “My sister Ashley is closest to me in age. She actually goes to our school, too. She just started this semester and she was the one who told me to try out english lit since that's what she's majoring in. ‘Everyone is creative,’ she said. ‘Give it a try.’”

“So, I did. I’m not as much of a poet and writer like her, though.” Josh admits sheepishly, a proud glint in his eyes. “She’s amazing at writing. Like, you’d be blown away by her thought process and the way she projects her feelings into words—when I get down, I can only bang on some drums.”

“She sounds amazing.” Tyler tells him softly, not admitting that he writes poetry sometimes, too.

“She is. Hopefully you meet her someday. My other sister, Abigail, though,” Josh shakes his head with a chuckle. “She’s the youngest and she’s the one most likely to be brutally honest with you. If she doesn't like you, she’ll tell you straight to your face without a care in the world. I don't get much time with her because she’s always out with her friends or something.”

Josh chews on his lip for a second, adding as an afterthought, “She wants to travel the world. It’s her dream; her goal. She’s going to try and become an air stewardess, I think. They give you free flights and stuff when you're not working, which is really sick now that I think about it. She has so much potential, Tyler. She’s going to change the world, one person at a time, I swear.”

Tyler nods, not trusting his voice. The way Josh speaks so highly of his siblings brings the slightest of tears to his eyes thinking of his own and how they weren't close _at all_. He blinks them away before Josh can notice and the waitress appears with their food. She gingerly places them down in front of them and tells them to enjoy, and to holler if they need anything.

“I don't see Abbie much, but when I do, she always insists on baking,” Josh continues after taking a few bites of his pancakes. “Her famous cookies, as she likes to call them. They’re probably laced with crack, they’re so addictive and tasty, bro, like you wouldn't believe. I'll never understand how she's so great at it. It’s an art, just like Ashley writes and I play music.”

“Definitely.” Tyler agrees curtly, pouring maple syrup on his pancakes and taking a bite.

“Now, Jordan,” Josh says, giving Tyler a one shouldered shrug as he takes a bite out of his hashbrowns. Tyler makes a face at him. “My brother is one of the funniest people I know. Whenever I get the chance to go home, we’re never not with each other. He’s like, a younger, cooler version of me.”

“Josh, all your siblings sound cooler than you, no offence.” Tyler points out, grinning at Josh’s scandalized look.

“Okay, true,” Josh gives in, that soft, endearing smile back on his face. “They’re all great. Jordan’s been particularly very into photography last I saw him. He’s really good, too. He has an instagram where he posts all his photos and they blow my mind every time. Ohio is beautiful and he constantly reminds me of that.”

“You’re all artistic kids, aren't ya?” Tyler mentions offhandedly. If he was being honest, he was a little jealous. He’d always wanted to have a close connection with his family, but they were all always so busy with their own lives. Turns out that didn't stop the Duns, so his excuse is poor as hell.

“I guess you can say that.” Josh replies, finishing off his pancakes and taking a quick sip of his coffee. “What about you? Any siblings?”

“Yeah, three,” Tyler answers, shrugging to show he’s unbothered. “But I can't tell you much about them. We’re not close. I'm the oldest, my brother Zack is after me. Then my sister, Maddy, and then there's Jay. The only thing we all have in common is that we kick ass at basketball.”

“That’s cool,” Josh grins, sighing after. “Not that you’re not close, though. I can't imagine going through life without my siblings.”

“I’m used to it, so it’s kind of whatever at this point.” Tyler assures his friend, pushing his plate away from him. “Man, I am stuffed.”

“So am I, this was a great idea.” Josh grins, patting his belly. “Do you want to come back to my place? It’s closer.”

Tyler brings a finger to his chin, pretending to think about it. He can't keep a straight face as he does so, smiling ever so slightly. “Duh. I can't promise I’ll be good company, though. Knowing me I’ll end up crashing the second I sit on your couch.”

“Dude, same.” Josh consoles, waving the waitress over to get the check. Tyler tries to object him paying the entire bill. “Tyler. I invited you out. Just, like, pay next time or something.”

“Fine.” Tyler huffs, crossing his arms with a glare at the pink haired boy.

“You’re cute when you don't get your way.” Josh teases as he pulls his credit card out of his wallet. Tyler rolls his eyes, unimpressed.

They pay, leaving the ihop with full stomachs and a new, profound knowledge of the others home life. Who would have thought that’s the way things would go? Tyler totally expected them to talk about anything other than that, not that he had a problem with it. He kind of really did want to meet Josh’s siblings now, their brother putting them on a pedestal making him curious to how they actually were.

Josh subtly brushes his hand against Tyler’s as they walk to the motorcycle, the electrifying feeling pulsing through Tyler’s body like nothing he’s ever felt before. He shakes it off as an accident until Josh does it again. Tyler turns to look at him, a faint smile showing on his face in the dimmed light of a street lamp post and a determined feeling flows through him.

Boldly, Tyler grabs Josh’s hand in his own until they reach the motorcycle.

Josh doesn't mention it when they let go, just like he didn't mention seeing Tyler take a bite of his hashbrowns as he talked about his siblings. He doesn't know why it makes him lean closer into him as they ride through the night, but Tyler can't help it.

Just like he can't help the feelings that keep manifesting and growing and nagging at him to do something about it.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all ever seen the vine (rip) jenna posted of tyler singing backstreet boys in the elevator??? i still think about it....

Tyler wakes up to the blaring of _I Want It That Way_ and automatically assumes this is some sort of payback coming to bite him in the ass for all of the times he spent aimlessly singing backstreet boys lyrics in the shower to annoy his family.

To add to the fact that it’s not the sound of his usual obnoxious and repetitive alarm that drove him up the wall with annoyance that woke him up, there’s an arm wound tightly around his waist and a groan that definitely did not leave his mouth that floats over the music. The sound comes from behind him, to be more accurate, but Tyler doesn't want to move just in case he panics because honestly, what the hell? He doesn't remember getting into Josh’s bed, and he knows he likes to cuddle, naturally, but this is not how he intended to spend his morning as nice as it is.

The music doesn't stop, though he feels Josh shift and try to find his phone to turn it off, taking his arm off of Tyler in the process. He’s unsuccessful, grunting in his scavenge for it, so Tyler does the only thing he thinks will make the situation less awkward. He sings, albeit half-heartedly at first.

“Tell me why, ain't nothin’ but a heartache—tell me why, ain't nothin’ but a mistake.”

It’s hoarse and definitely not his best work, his voice still getting used to being awake while the lyrics left his mouth so casually, but Josh laughs, sitting up completely at the knowledge that the other boy is awake and Tyler closes his eyes to enjoy the moment.

“Tell me why, I never want to hear you say,” They sing in unison, voices rising and filling with internal giggles. “I want it that way!”

“Am I your fire? Your one desire?” Josh grins teasingly when Tyler rolls over and looks at him, finally finding the phone and stopping the song. Tyler gets up with an indignant huff at an attempt to chuckle and play off the truth of Josh’s joked singing, stretching out his stiff limbs. Josh’s bed is not the biggest, nor the comfiest.

“You’re a morning person, aren't you? How do you do it? Teach me your ways.” Tyler lets out a defeated sigh as he sits back down, watching Josh laugh at him before realizing he’s shirtless and dressed in sweats that were a little too big to be his. “Did you roofie me last night, dude?”

“I can't tell if you're joking or not.” Josh raises an eyebrow, getting up and motioning for the boy to follow him out of the room.

“Uh,” Tyler says lamely in reply.

“Dude, I would never.” Josh shakes his head, simultaneously easing Tyler’s conscience while bringing him to the kitchen. Tyler sits on the other side of the counter, watching Josh move and rustle around, not wanting to get in his way. “You definitely passed out in my bed after you changed into my clothes, though. I offered them to you so you’d be more comfortable since, you know, I’m a gentleman.”

“I’m… I was gonna say shocked, but I’m not even surprised.” Tyler drawls, watching Josh’s face light up when he notices coffee already made in the pot that’s still hot. It’s endearing; his eyes widen so innocently and happily, Tyler wants to just reach out and touch his face to make sure he’s real, flesh and blood.

“Brendon made coffee before he left for class.” Josh shrugs. “Want some?”

“Give me coffee or give me death.” Tyler replies smoothly, then remembers that manners exist. “Thanks, Josh.”

“For what? Coffee? Common courtesy, Ty.” Josh places a steaming cup in front of him, offering him milk and sugar.

“For letting me stay the night. For hanging out with me. For—” _giving me a chance,_ Tyler almost says, adding just milk to his coffee. “Just… thanks.”

“No problem, but if anything I should be thanking you.” Josh puts the milk back in the fridge and turns to lean his elbows on the counter right after, watching Tyler intently. It was a look that suggested Tyler know something, but he drew a blank on  _what_.

Tyler swallows, shaking his head. “Nah, dude, I’ve known you for less than a month and you’ve already made my life better.”

Josh’s responding smile doesn't quite reach his eyes and he reaches forward to pat his hand, the feeling of his calloused palm touching his knuckles making him miss the feeling of their hands holding onto each other as they walked. Tyler swallows again, trying to get rid of the thoughts before they ate him alive. He shouldn't _expect_ any reciprocated feelings from the pink-haired boy, not when everything was still so fresh and new even to him.

Besides, people hold hands with their friends all the time. It wasn't anything out of the ordinary.

Baby steps, Tyler thinks, are better than no steps at all.

“I don’t want to seem like I’m hustlin’ you out of here, but I’m going to have to leave soon. Class.” Josh tells him with a small shudder, gesturing his head towards a bowl at the edge of the counter that held a set of keys. “You can stay as long as you want, though. Just lock up when you leave.”

Tyler’s eyebrows raise in surprise. “You trust me with keys to your apartment?”

“Yeah, bro. Just bring them back when you can, obviously.” Josh shrugs indifferently. “If you want you can raid my closet for fresh clothes, too. I don't mind.”

Tyler stares at him, unblinking and frozen while his heart practically caves in his chest from how hard it’s beating. When he’d first met Josh, blue hair and piercings and tattoos showing proudly, he’d have never expected him to be so kind. He half expected him to be snarky and rude and somewhat of a bully like all the stereotypes assumed of him, despite thoughts of him being attractive as hell.

“You’re so generous. Thanks.” Tyler jokes, smirking and leaning back to look much more composed than he felt.

“No problem, what are friends for?” Josh muses, moving away as Tyler brought his mug of coffee to his lips, watching him curiously.

He doesn't let himself hope too much about Josh’s glance lingering on him a second longer than it should before he turned to walk away down the hall to his room and he doesn't bring himself to ask.

 

* * *

 

Tyler gets back to his dorm an hour later, thoughts a mess of _what ifs_ and with every thought he got his stomach clenched nervously, feeling the twist in his gut so prominently he couldn't help but lean into the door for support after closing it.

He wraps an arm around himself and brings the other one to rub at his face in an attempt at comfort, only to have his senses be filled with the scent of Josh, a slight blush creeping onto his cheeks at the realization.

Tyler's mouth parts, sucking in a breath at how quickly he’d forgotten that he’d taken Josh up on his offer of raiding his closet (or, what Josh liked to call his closet—it was so small). He’d just felt so comfortable with Josh which was so unusual to him because in any other scenario he’d be awkward as hell. He hadn't been so normal around someone so quickly before, not even with Mark. He had avoided him completely when they first became roommates because he was afraid of accidentally saying the wrong thing and offending him.

And after staying over at Josh's twice already, it felt like secondhand nature to be taking his clothes like they were dating or something; the sweatpants, NASA shirt and skeleton hoodie that was way too big on him speaking for itself. But they weren't dating, far from it and Josh generously reminded him of that fact. What are _friends_ for, he had said, emphasizing the word like he needed to remind Tyler about his boundaries. Josh didn't like him in the way Tyler thinks _he_ likes him and yeah, okay, Josh has flirted with him, he's pretty sure of that, but it could’ve just been his character. He seemed like a natural flirt and Tyler was weak; at the first touch of affection, he pounces, craving it like he’s been starved of it and getting himself into these situations.

He should have stuck to his plan. This—falling in love with someone who didn't love him back—wasn't a part of it. It was a little bit exhausting if he was being honest and he doesn't understand how every clichéd movie portrays this to be something that’s great when it’s just a nightmare come to life. All this time he’d tried to convince himself that Josh would be the one to get attached and Tyler was doing him a favour by trying not to let that happen, but he’d gone and done the same exact thing.

Did Josh even care? Did he know? Does he see the way Tyler looks at him with admiration and ignore it?

Tyler shakes his head, walking further into the room. He was torturing himself for nothing and he was being selfish on top of it. He should be glad that he has a friend like Josh in the first place. He pauses at the board, his lips pursing and his heart stuttering in his chest.

_TylerandJosh are together!!! thx for the invite!_

Tyler winces when he re-reads it, not because of the sarcastic and feigned attempt of annoyance from Mark, but because he doesn't know when he and Josh turned into _TylerandJosh_ , full stop. Maybe that's how it was supposed to be since the beginning, though; inseparable and unified in a way that made them each other's no matter how hard he denied their connection from the start and tried to stop the romantic feelings from blinding him of their current relationship. They had a friendship that was meant to be without coincidences and Tyler’s sure he lucked out, despite his skepticism.

And yet why did it feel so wrong? Why did he feel guiltier and guiltier with each passing second? It felt like he was lying to himself, to his friends, by not making a move to show Josh that he saw him as more than just his best friend, but how could he jeopardize what he and Josh already had?

He couldn't.

With one final sigh at these thoughts invading his brain, he kicks off his shoes, grabs his laptop from the floor and sits cross-legged on his bed.

He drowns himself in his current chemistry assignment, like he always does when he tries to forget the unfortunate events of his life. It wasn't anything he wasn't used to.

 

* * *

 

Doubt is one hell of a bitch, but it doesn't stop Tyler from letting himself be happy. After having a long, long talk with Mark about his fear of losing Josh, Mark had knocked some sense into him, telling him that Josh was way too kind to abandon him outright for something so trivial and petty. Tyler reluctantly agreed about Josh being too kind, but he didn't like Mark calling his feelings _unimportant_.

“So, let me get this straight—ha, ha, that’s a pun, get it? Since you’re not? Okay, don't hit me, sorry!—you think your feelings for Josh are important, right?” Mark watched Tyler nod, ignoring the narrowed gaze sent his way. “Then I guess that’s reason enough to tell him.”

Tyler gulped and shook his head immediately, like the mere idea of it was outrageous and unbeneficial for either of them (which, spoiler alert, it was). But, as all good things come, he manages not to close himself off more than usual and he and Josh are still practically inseparable. Actually, Tyler’s woken up in Josh’s bed more often than not and he’s even started to become reliable acquaintances with Brendon (who jokingly told him he should start paying rent with all the time he spends at the apartment).

One particular Friday in October, when neither of them were working, they decided to get high. Nothing crazy, just to let loose and relax for a night while watching cartoon re-runs all night.

It turned into a story-time session that had Tyler weak with laughter.

“Guys,” Brendon had said, setting the bong down on the table with a soft thud. “I swear to God, I saw two moons the other day. Like, sure, I had 7 beers before I saw them, but two moons still appeared.”

Tyler blinked, tilting his head. “Do you mean the eclipse?”

“ _No_ ,” Brendon answered sharply, crossing his arms and glaring. “Two moons, dude! It was a miracle or some shit, since I was the only one who saw it, apparently.”

“A miracle, huh?” Tyler licked his lips, nodding. “That’s science speak for _bullshit_. I would know.”

And Josh had started giggling, which led Tyler to giggle and long story short, it turned into a whole giggle-fest. That’s the effect Josh has on him.

Another time, Josh had excused himself to go shower since he has just got back from the gym and he totally, accidentally, eavesdropped on him and Brendon doing a duet of _Mambo no5_.

It was weird, really, how easily even he slipped up and started humming along with them outside the door. Brendon had heard him and shoved him into the bathroom without a problem, the steam of Josh’s shower covering the mirror Brendon was using to finish shaving the hair on his face that he didn't even have.

Tyler didn't even blink twice, sat down on the toilet seat and they just sang. Josh even peaked his soapy head out the shower curtain at the _a little bit of you makes me your man_ line, looking straight at Tyler. Then Brendon made jazz hands, excess shaving cream still on his cheeks and chin and the moment was forgotten.

It was just so fucking domestic and nobody questioned it.

Now, Tyler was sitting on their couch, feet propped up on their coffee table with the static buzz of their tv in his ears as he looked over his bio powerpoint slides, trying his chances at studying for his midterms. Josh was next to him, legs spread comfortably without a care as his eyes shifted from the tv to Tyler every so often as if Tyler wouldn’t notice him doing it. He almost wanted to ask him if there was something on his face, biting his lip to concentrate on his homework instead of the insufferable boy driving him crazy with each glance.

“Hey. Hey.” Josh finally cracks, poking Tyler in the ribs a few moments later. “Hey, Tyler.”

Tyler hums in acknowledgment, looking over at him.

“It’s Halloween,” Josh grins, and Tyler’s face remains blank. “What are you doing tonight?”

The question catches the other boy off guard because he hadn't been planning to spend it any differently from what he was already doing.

“Staying here? Or going back to my room. I, uh, I’ve never actually celebrated Halloween before.” Tyler ducks his head, ignoring the heat creeping onto his cheeks at Josh’s gasp of pure horror.

“What? How have you never celebrated?”

“My parents weren't big on the holiday, I guess.” Tyler mutters, feeling Josh’s weight leaving the couch. Josh grabs his hand and Tyler looks up, startled when Josh starts tugging him forward.

“Come on, Ty. There’s no way I’m letting you miss out on another Halloween.” Josh grins, and Tyler shuts the laptop without much of a fight since he’s pretty much spent the entire day studying. Besides, Josh was giving him that _look_ while he set his macbook carefully on the table, the one that made him feel like putty in Josh's hands before allowing him to pull him up.

It’s only then that he realizes the orange fairy lights sprinkled around the room, the small spiders and cobwebs and spooky ghosts decorating the walls. He even sees a few boxes of chocolate on their dining table—how had he missed it?—and nods when he locks eyes with a very pleased Josh.

Twenty minutes later and they've practically stolen Brendon’s car—thanks to Tyler’s complaints of it being too cold for the motorcycle—and ended up in a Target where the employees looked like they wanted to either be killed or kill everyone. Tyler tries not to judge because he probably looked the same when he worked, if not worse, but damn. He was glad Josh was with him, otherwise he wouldn't have stepped foot in here.

Josh was also holding Tyler’s hand firmly in his own, the entire gesture having caught Tyler off guard the second they walked through the automatic doors. A sudden warmth spread in his chest because those employees and few random customers probably thought he and Josh were a _thing_.

Then again, Josh was dragging him around Target looking for costumes, as if they weren't fucking adults who, well, shouldn't really dress up anymore either way. Tyler missed his chances of living his dress-up-for-Halloween life thanks to his parents and making up for it now was ridiculous and stupid.

But, as it turns out, he doesn't stop Josh from putting on the Deadpool onesie while giggling wildly to himself and he doesn't stop himself from putting on the Spider-Man onesie Josh hands him, especially not when Josh’s eyes are lit up and the most endearing _please, Tyler_ leaves his lips.

So, yeah, alright, Tyler is totally dressed up for Halloween.

Tyler very much knows the Spideypool general plot, he hasn't been living under a rock entirely. He knows Deadpool really does like Spider-Man and Spidey could care less at first, but builds up a tolerance for him. He admits that the only reason he knows this is because Ryan Reynolds so blatantly talks about it on social media all the time, but still. At least Tyler knew and he wasn't some sort of jackass who was clueless about superheroes. He just thinks it’s ironic how their roles should be reversed in that sense anyway and Josh should be in the Spider-Man onesie instead of him.

Josh grabs his hand again and pulls him toward a mirror where he takes his phone out of his pocket, Tyler’s brain finally catching up to what was going on.

“What are you doing?” Tyler looks away from the mirror so that the top of the Spider-Man hood hid his face from view.

Josh makes a noise of complaint. “Taking a picture, brahddy.”

“Don’t say that word again.” Tyler scrunches up his nose with a grimace, shaking his head. “Also, why?”

“Tyler. Seriously? It’s Halloween and we look fucking _awesome_. Marvel are shaking at not hiring us to do a co-op movie.” Josh exaggerates, tilting his head in a subtle _come closer_ gesture. “Get over here and let me document this.”

Tyler moves closer, a sigh of defeat passing his clenched teeth. “Are you going to send them emails asking them to politely hire us? I say politely loosely here because you are literally anything but.”

Josh laughs, entire body caving in with it and Tyler can’t help but admire the lines of his eyes and the white of his teeth and how his tongue was barely poking out. Tyler craves to move closer, to actually kiss him and taste Josh’s tongue on his own so fucking badly, but he can't. He just  _can’t_.

“Oh, you know it. They’ll be knocking on our door begging us to work for them and have snipers ready to fire if we refuse. We’re in this together now.” Josh grins, and it’s so happy that it makes Tyler smile, too, instead of scowling like he’d wanted, and fuck.

Josh had said _our door_. They didn't live together and they definitely weren't together and oh God, what was he doing? Why was he overthinking something Josh probably didn't even realize he said? Maybe he should see a shrink, get the help he desperately needs psychologically. They have therapists on campus, right?

Josh takes the pictures while Tyler has his existential crisis and he poses like a complete doofus since he doesn't know what the hell he’s supposed to do, but Josh is fucking delighted with it, laughing and going with whatever Tyler does, their bodies fitting and moving together so perfectly with each one Josh snaps.

Once Josh is satisfied with the photos he takes, he pays for the onesies, ignoring Tyler’s money with a firm _just let me do this for you, okay?_ and all of Tyler’s arguments die on his tongue. It was so vehemently clear that Josh wanted to make Tyler’s first real Halloween great, so who was he to stop him?

When they make their way to Brendon’s car and Josh leans against the driver door instead of getting in, Tyler swallows nervously. Had he done something wrong? He probably ruined Josh’s day with his constant nagging.

“D’ya know that Halloween is my favourite holiday?” Josh murmurs, and Tyler shakes his head, no. “Well, it is. I used to dress up every year, sometimes coordinating with my siblings.” Josh chuckles softly, looking up at the sky. “Once me and Abbie went as Ash Ketchum and Pikachu.”

“No way,” Tyler grins, leaning on the door next to Josh. “Who was Ash and who was Pikachu?”

Josh deviates his gaze from the sky to give him a look of disbelief. “I was Pikachu, of course.”

“Of course,” Tyler echoes, biting his lip from letting his smile widen.

“Another time I went as Han Solo, Jordan went as Chewie, Ashley went as Luke and Abbie went as Artoo.”

“Artoo?” Tyler questions curiously. “Why not princess Leia to complete the quartet?”

“Abbie is not one to conform to social norms and be easily swayed.” Josh says with a proud gleam in his eyes.

“Right on.” Tyler whistles lowly, nodding contently as he tries to picture Josh and his siblings as Star Wars characters with what he knows they look like from the brief pictures Josh had showed him. “Coordinating outfits. I like it.”

“Yeah,” Josh agrees, looking over at him. “I guess this is the first time I coordinate with anyone since starting college, even if it’s as a joke. Feels familiar, you know?”

Tyler hums, not taking his eyes off of Josh despite the irregular beat of his heart. _Act cool, stay natural—wait no, other way around, idiot._

“You and Brendon never, uh…” He clears his throat. “I would have expected you two to go to parties together. As a duo or something.”

“God, no.” Josh laughs, turning to face Tyler, his shoulder against the door. “Brendon dresses the same every year. James Bond, usually, since it apparently attracts people.”

“How?” Tyler says, ignoring the heat in his cheeks.

“The suit,” Josh shakes his head, the amusement clear in his voice. “He says everyone loves a man in a suit. He’s not wrong, but like, whatever works for him, I guess. When he left earlier in his suit though, I asked him ‘James Bond?’ and he scoffed and went, ‘No, Eggsy, you uncultured prick.’ in the worst english accent I’ve ever heard while adjusting these god awful glasses on his face.”

Josh never takes his eyes off of him as he talks and Tyler feels a swirl in his gut that’s so painfully near the term _butterflies_ that he almost winces. He hates feeling like this, so helpless without knowing if Josh felt the same, but what was he supposed to do? Just _ask_ him or something, like a normal person who didn't have anxiety would? Yeah, right. Fat chance at that ever happening.

Yeah, Tyler wants to kiss him, but—

“You know, Tyler, I really want to kiss you,” Josh says casually, like it's a simple discovery he’s made, something mediocre and not groundbreaking like the way Tyler’s heart thinks it is. “But I don't know if I should.”

“ _What?_ ” Tyler stutters, while Josh’s hand comes up to adjust Tyler’s hood, gently brushing his fingers along his cheek when he brings his hand back down.

“I want to kiss you,” Josh repeats slowly. “But I don't know if—”

“Yeah, I heard you the first time,” Tyler interrupts, waving him off and ignoring the waver in his voice. “But _why_ don't you think you should?”

“Oh, because you’re so against people caring for you.” Josh shrugs, face neutral as if he didn't just criticize and make a dig at him. “I don't want to do anything that’ll like, make you uncomfortable.”

Everything comes full circle. Is that the impression he’d been giving? Seems fitting.

“No, no, it’s not that it makes me uncomfortable,” Tyler struggles to find the right words, his mouth on autopilot. “I just… don't know if I’m worth it.”

“Worth _affection?_ Tyler, of course you are.” Josh replies incredulously, taking a cautious step forward, their bodies so close that their hoods touch as they look at each other.

“Being in a relationship with me is miserable business, Josh, it’s not rainbows and butterflies. Bottom line is I’m not a good boyfriend, okay? I forget to text back, I isolate myself, I practically never sleep, so I'm always aggravated. Fuck, sometimes I even forget to do basic things like eat.” Tyler argues, listing out the obvious as he tries to knock some sense into him. He goes to continue his rant and ends up taking a shuddered breath when Josh grabs his face gently in his hands.

“I could list bad qualities about myself, too, Tyler. It doesn't mean I’m not deserving of love.” Josh tells him, and Tyler wants to believe him, but he’s not worth it. He’s been trying to tell Josh this since the beginning.

“I’m scared,” Tyler blurts out, eyes widening. “I just want to be friends. I don't—I’m not ready for a relationship yet.”

Josh studies him, light brown eyes looking at him without any trace of malice in them, just understanding as they soften from their glare.

“Okay,” Josh says easily, stepping back to give Tyler some space to breathe. Tyler appreciates it. Having a panic attack because of his feelings would be downright embarrassing. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah, okay.” Josh nods, giving him a tiny, reassuring smile. “No relationship, got it. Can I kiss you?”

Tyler tries to pull away further, but he’s frozen in place, looking at Josh with eyes too wide and hopeful to give him any false indication that he _didn't_ want to kiss him because fuck, he did, he’s been wanting it since he met him. It’s just that he didn't want to ruin what they already had if this doesn't go the way they want.

“Tyler, you’re overthinking,” Josh whispers softly, moving closer again. “Please, don't. We’re here _now_. I want to kiss you now, never mind tomorrow, or next week, or next month. Do you want to kiss me?”

“Yes.” Tyler says, without missing a beat.

“Do you want me to kiss you?” Josh leans in closer, their noses brushing together and Tyler’s lips part so slightly, his eyes closing almost blissfully.

He kind of wants to shout at Josh that of course he does, and maybe punch Josh because he obviously knows that fact, and maybe, just maybe he wants to crawl into a hole and never come out because, fuck him, was he really that obvious?

“Josh,” Tyler breathes instead, a warning that he should stop if he didn't really mean anything by this. The feeling of Josh’s thumbs brushing against his cheekbones gently, softly, makes him close his eyes sadly. He's acting like Tyler was delicate; fine china that he couldn't bear to break.

“Just tell me,” Josh’s voice drops, almost tauntingly. “Say the words and I will.”

Tyler smiles sharply, eyes narrowing at the smug look on Josh’s face, probably thinking that he has Tyler wrapped around his finger, that he was _inexperienced_. Think again, Tyler wants to scoff begrudgingly. He wasn't new or an amateur on how romance and consent worked as much as he appreciated Josh asking or even teasing him; he didn't need to be coddled, or god forbid belittled when it came to this stuff like he was some sort of idiot that needed to be taught.

He's been in relationships before, okay.

“Fuck you,” Tyler looks him in the eyes and it’s as though he has tunnel vision, unable to look anywhere else but at Josh. “Kiss me.”

Josh doesn’t hesitate, moving his hands away from Tyler’s face, taking the warmth of them with him before wrapping them around his neck and pulling the boy down so that their lips press together in an almost bruising kiss.

“ _Shit_ ,” Tyler says against Josh’s lips in surprise, burying his hands in the material of Josh’s stupid fucking Deadpool onesie, and pulling him closer as he returns the kiss just as eagerly, their noses squishing together for just a second before he's tilting his head to be at a better angle.

He doesn't think anything but _wow this is really happening_ when Josh backs him up against the car door, pinning him there with his hips flush against his own.

It’s wild, and intense, until Josh nips at Tyler’s bottom lip, tugging at it and making him whimper with _want_ , the heat travelling between Tyler’s legs working too quickly for his liking. He wills it away and opens his mouth, trying to regain some sort of control of the situation as he pushes his tongue between Josh’s lips and God, he tasted like the coffee he’d bought earlier and the faint trace of the cigarette they’d shared while Tyler was studying and like everything suddenly made sense in Tyler’s head, clicking together like a game he’d desperately been trying to beat.

Josh moves away, pressing kisses along Tyler's jaw, his breath coming out hot on his skin while he teased and nipped at it. It was as if he was trying to show Tyler just a taste of what he can get as he sucked a bruise on the underside of his jaw, biting down hard enough to sting and make Tyler gasp in pleasure even if they’re in public.

Tyler’s eyes snap open at the thought; they’re in _public_ , this goes against all acts of decency he’d learned as a child. All logical thoughts seem to have vanished completely because Tyler didn't care about any of it, not when Josh’s tongue is back in his mouth, exploring uncharted territory that has Tyler’s head spinning and a soft moan breaking out in the silence of the parking lot around them. If Josh was so good at _kissing_ , what else was he good at? Tyler wanted to find out. He _needed_  to find out.

Josh is the one to pull away first, smiling widely like the cat that ate the canary while Tyler tries—and fails—to process the fact that they’d just done that and Josh liked him _back_. He doesn't know how he ended up getting the pink-haired boys interest, but he’s so glad he did. Maybe he’s even managed to weave himself into Josh’s thoughts like Josh has with him.

“That settles that then.” Josh’s voice gets Tyler’s attention back on him.

“What?” Tyler raises an eyebrow, teeth catching on his lower lip.

Josh mimics his look of innocence before the devilish smirk that had sucked Tyler in the first day he met him was back on his face. “The fact I love Halloween, Tyler.”

“Oh really?” Tyler teases, huffing a laugh when Josh sticks his tongue out at him. _The very same one that you just had in your mouth, buddy,_ Tyler’s mind sighs dreamily.

“Yeah,” Josh snickers, pointing between the two of them. “We just made out dressed as Spideypool. Cross that off my bucket list.”

Tyler can't even dignify Josh with a snarky response of ‘ _we all know you get off to how the new Spider-Man sounds_ ’ because he starts laughing so hard he can't seem to stop. His face starts going red from lack of oxygen, the heat in his face making him want to fan himself as he continues thinking about how ridiculous this entire thing is. Josh watches him silently, head tipped back to show his own grin plastered on his face before he’s had enough of listening to Tyler’s cute high pitched giggling. Really, no one complains when Josh can’t help himself from leaning in for another chaste kiss, catching Tyler’s lower lip between his own.

The gesture shuts Tyler up quickly, his arms automatically wrapping themselves around Josh’s neck, tangling his fingers in his wild curls and keeps him locked in place as he pulls his mouth away from his. It’s done so effortlessly that Josh is stunned into speechlessness at Tyler’s sudden burst of confidence.

Tyler, who’s still being pressed against the car door, has to contain another batch of laughter from exploding out of him.

He tugs at Josh’s hair a little harder than before, experimentally, just to see what would happen and if he was into that stuff, since Tyler didn't mind a little hair pulling himself. The thought of Josh being rough with him sends another wave of heat straight down to his groin and he shifts slightly to pretend it never happened even though he's positive Josh knows what he's doing to him.

Shit, damn, and fuck him sideways, Tyler was way too in love with this kid and they just shared their first kiss because they were trying to prove a point. He doesn't know why that's so uniquely _them,_ but he doesn't mind it one bit.

Nevertheless, Tyler gets his answer when the other boy practically melts against him, his mouth letting out the sweetest sound he’s ever heard in his life. He watches Tyler with hooded eyes darkened by something painfully akin to lust and Tyler let's out a shaky breath, trying to keep himself level-headed about all this.

He kind of wants to give himself a high-five because, like, Josh wants him. The look on his face suggests as much. _Go Tyler_ , the voice in his head cheers him on for once, _you got this_.

Wordlessly, and with a coy smile playing at the edges of his mouth, Tyler guides Josh's lips back to his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> catch y'all on the flipside they FINALLY kissed

**Author's Note:**

> follow me if u want:  
> twitter: babsisnotsocial  
> tumblr: selfish-ambitions
> 
> leave comments and kudos if u liked it!! love ya!


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